Happy "Gotcha" Day and My "High Calling"

Two years ago today, with much excitement and trepidation I walked off an elevator to a Chinese Civil Affairs office to meet our new little son. Asher has been a joy from the first day we met him. We had some hard moments, hours, and nights those first weeks. However, it seemed all my prayers were answered as he was meant to be a part of our family and he quickly attached and loved being a part of our lives. He has grown so much the last 2 years. He was a "baby" at almost 2 years old then and today he is a preschooler who is learning so much. He is strong, active, silly, smart, and most of the time "happy" (just like the meaning of his name, it really has been a perfect fit for him). 

I remember feeling so scared that day, thinking if he would come to love me as his Mommy. He had been in a relationship with many women in his life (his "China" Mom, nannies, foster Mom) and I wasn't sure if any of that was positive and loving for him, surely much of it was confusing and painful for him. I have not been a perfect Mommy by all means. Sometimes I am impatient, sometimes I don't understand his needs nor can meet them, and sometimes I am distracted with my own busyness. I desire to be all I can be for him and all of my children. God has given me so much to devote my life to. I am so thankful that in spite of myself, Asher has come to see me as "Mommy" and I pray all the time he never forgets. I tell him every day how much I love him and that I will always be his Mommy.

 Here is sweet Asher just the night before we left China in November 2011. Look at his cuteness..

 Here is most of our family in March 2013 when we "re-adopted" him, standing in front of the court house. 

 And here he picked a "flower" for Mommy this last summer. Still the same preciousness, but even a bigger joyful heart. I just love this boy.. I am so blessed. Praise Jesus!!

I had someone tell me the other day, who I see weekly, that she could see my adoptive children were "healing" and that she believed I was a big part of that. She called me "her hero"..wow, I felt very humbled, knowing full well, I am not a hero. I can't do this apart from God. I know yesterday when I got angry with one of my children instead of directing them patiently, I was not a "hero". I am so thankful that God chose me for this position though. I told her "Thank you, it is only Jesus. But I just pray one day that my children can think of me as their 'hero'". She agreed. I don't give my life for anyone else, but for Jesus and my children. That is what my calling is. 

Although, this last Sunday at church through my pastor's sermon God taught me something.

If I am to be a faithful 'man' (aka 'woman') for the Lord, I will be resolute, confident, decided, singular focus and all in for the Service the Lord has called me to, changing that out for my own strength, will-power, goodness, talent, etc. It is not by my ability rather by God's to do this work.

Proverbs 20:6-7 "Most men will proclaim each his own goodness, but who can find a faithful man? The righteous man walks in his integrity; His children are blessed after him."

I do NOT want to be "Most Men (aka women)" proclaiming in my goodness. I want to walk faithful, in the righteousness of Jesus. In order, that my children will be blessed. If I can do that, oh what a legacy and gift I will give my children. 

The part that was a bit hard to swallow from this teaching was that I need to do my faithful work for the Lord with the following question to be answered with a "YES"....

"Am I willing to take the lowest place in my calling and not be remembered? In my motherhood?" 

Jesus is who should be remembered, not me. I want to show Jesus, the only part of me to my children and husband. If I am not remembered but He is, wow..to God be the Glory. Proverbs 20:7 "His (My) children are blessed". I must be okay that when I am finished raising my children. And that even if they do not remember me and all "I" did for them, or even if I never see them again for whatever paths the Lord takes them on it is for His glory, not mine and that it His plan and not mine. I need to surrender them to Him. If He chooses to take one of them from this earth before I "think" it is time, I must willing surrender them to Him. He is their heavenly Father, their Creator and Lord. I am just a vessel He graciously chose to serve them for a number of years and I will joyfully do this until my last breath.

Don't think this is easy for me. I am human too. I am also a recovering control freak, well most of the time, because Jesus lives in me. I have to seek the Lord's forgiveness for the wording I said the other day,  "I pray my children can think of me as their 'hero'".. How selfish of me to say that. No, I want Jesus to be their hero, nothing from my own ability. Forgive me Lord for wanting to be exalted. 

When I take my last breath, I don't want my children to exalt me, but rather sing praise of joy that I will be entering the kingdom of our Savior, because He alone is their Hero!!

My Sweet Babies

Three months ago we were in Hong Kong, getting some extra sleep from our very long day of travel (it was about 40 hours) and preparing to meet our two new children. I was excited and nervous at the same time. Not knowing what our lives would be like by adding two new children to the mix, ones with significant delays and medical issues and who were older than Asher was when we adopted him. But I was confident that the Lord had brought us to the journey and wanted us to be the new parents and family of these precious children.

Jay and I parted ways to save a week of travel time. It was so hard for both of us not to be at each child's "Gotcha Day". We believed that 5 days would not be detrimental to the attachment that God would be making between us and both of our new children.

The first few days were great, but hard too. Elliana would only let me hold her and do anything for her. And then Isaiah would only let Jay do the same for him. It did get better for Isaiah but we didn't push the issue for Ellie in China. 

She is still quite the Mama's girl, mostly when I have to leave the house for a couple hours. I typically take her with me places I go, shopping and such. But sometimes there are appointments or special times with other children and she does have a meltdown when I have to leave. But Jay is so great and patient with her and reminds me "You go, she will stop crying in 10 minutes and will get to see you return to her. All of that will help her believe you will always come back." It breaks my heart though, poor little thing when I leave. It is pitiful and hard not to shed a tear myself. 

Isaiah often believes when Ellie screams when I leave that he must too, but not always. He is becoming quite a Mama's boy too, which has been good. I was a little worried those first few days when he screamed when I held him and Daddy left. I kept trying to earn his trust and prove to him that I was safe, and fun (maybe not as fun as Daddy though), and would take care of him too. I think today he is believing that. I give the glory to God for answering our prayers.

Asher is doing well. He is getting so big, especially compared to the other two, 3 year olds in the house. He is head taller than Isaiah and 10 lbs heavier. ( And Isaiah is the same weight as Ellie now She has gained 5 lbs in 3 months, Isaiah maybe 1/2 lb and he is 4 inches taller than her. ) Asher's language has exploded. His vocabulary is amazing and his speech is moving right along. Asher is so full of joy and courage and vivacity. He is also very stubborn and likes things to be just "so" or he gets upset. We are working on reminding him that he is safe and it is okay for things to be different. Bringing Ellie and Isaiah into his world has rocked him quite a bit. However, I know it is for his betterment. It is not good for him to believe all the world revolves around him forever. It is good for him to learn to share, as he never had to do that before. It is good for him to learn to be gentle, again never doing that before. He is a sweet boy and thankfully we have good therapists that are teaching us ways to help him be all that God means for him to be. He needs consistency in his day, which we have a lot of the time. It is also good for him to have some days that challenge him so he can learn that not all things or days go the way we anticipate and he will still be safe. He loves to hug his little brother and sister. He is just such a big boy compared to them that we have to be right there guiding his body, so he doesn't accidentally push them over. The funny thing is that even though Ellie is pint size compared to Asher and can't move about or talk like he does it does not stop her from communicating to him she is not happy with him or even give him a swift hit. We are working on gentleness.

Elliana is one busy and strong little girl. She isn't walking on her own just yet, but we are working on getting a little walker for her to use. Right now we are borrowing one from the therapist, but it is a bit big for her. It was such a joy to see her use it for the first time. She lit up the room with her smile and excitement as she was learning to maneuver it around. She will also be getting some little orthotics to give her some stability in her ankles, which will help her use the walker better too. Her speech is slowly yet surely coming. She can only say a very few words and you would have to know her to understand what she was trying to communicate. But she is attempting. She is also still signing words. She has no issues letting us know what she wants. 

It is a blessing to see her world open up. I thank God every day for allowing us to adopt her and bring her out the darkness of the orphanage life. She might have had loving nannies take care of her, which we have no reason to doubt. However, the frustration she must have felt not being "heard", not being held often but sitting in a crib, not being able to get enough food, not having someone to call "Mama", all must have been hopeless.  God is a God of hope...I am blessed to share that hope with her and I am blessed to be a part of the hope she gives us all. She is a fighter, that is what helped her to survive. All odds were against her, but she kept on. Sometimes she is trying to tell me she wants to eat or wants her milk. Both of those words she signs well.. But while I am holding her, doing something else for another child, she will grab my face and make me look into her eyes and do her sign again. Sometimes I have to make her a wait a little longer, but I try to not make her wait long. Parenting adopted children is different than biological children. We have to earn their trust. We have to show them time and time again, often through food as that is huge on the bonding scale, that we are there for them and will meet their basic needs always! It is a process that we will always be adjusting and considering the root of the child's needs and how that will affect our relationship with them. But today when she signs her "milk" with her little grunt and forcing me to look into her sweet brown eyes I "hear" that she is begging me to take care of her, to love her like a mother should. 

Isaiah is our small, sweet, quiet but not as quiet as before, almost 3 year old. His birthday is in three days! He has opened up so much the last month. It has been a huge transformation. He was quiet, reserved, serious and whiny a lot of the time the first few weeks and even 2 months he was with us. Something has changed though. We are finally seeing that amazing personality that we could "see" in the photos we got while we were waiting to meet him. He is talking, talking and more talking. He  is bossy, telling his siblings "No" and copying things I say. For example, Ellie is standing up on the couch and I say "Sit down, Ellie" and he copies my exact words right after me. He is sleeping so much better. I think the oxygen is contributing to that too, but he doesn't wake up crying with us not able to pull him out of it for a while. He is often smiling or giggling with his siblings.

 His biggest issue is his heart. He has some days that are harder for him than others. And sickness is the biggest culprit. When he is sick it just wipes him out. He is not very active anyway, but when he doesn't feel good he just lies around and wants to be held. 

I do have an update on his heart. We sent in three different requests to top hospitals about a second opinion. We finally got all three recommendations the earlier part of last week. Two of the facilities concurred, for the most part, with our hospital here. However, the top surgeon at Stanford did not agree with their treatment plan here .He felt a different approach was needed, in fact, even stated in his letter the other would likely not work. His approach would be a lot more aggressive but likely very proactive for the future of his lungs and heart. So we very much considered his plan and were beginning to prepare our minds for travel to Palo Alto, CA, which is very close to where Jay and I grew up and lived up until our 3rd year of marriage. 

The entire time we were in contact with Isaiah's cardiologist keeping him in the loop. After we let him know we were considering this other approach he took the information to the team here.We quickly heard back from him that they still agree with doing the less evasive way first, would be best for Isaiah. If the other surgery failed we would be left with little options for helping his heart. He said that they did reevaluate if his valve needing replacing now or later and they felt now would be best, which is what all three other hospitals suggested and our team was not ready to do yet. So we are thankful that the listened to us and were patient with us as we considering other alternatives for Isaiah.

I had been feeling while we waiting for the doctor to let us know that maybe going to Stanford would not be best for now. At first, I was very much thinking that way but I kept asking God to reveal the right path and give Jay wisdom and us unity on the decision. It was then that God began reminding me He was in control and I needed to have more faith in His healing of Isaiah and not just the doctors. If we were to have Stanford perform the more aggressive option we weren't leaving as much room for God to show His hand in it all. If the less evasive surgery was to be done and still not be enough for Isaiah God will work his miracle and be shown sovereign. That same day that I was hearing God remind me of his power, we asked one the of the other hospitals to look again at Isaiah's record and look at the Stanford surgeon's recommendation for us, giving us another second opinion. (This would be Boston, the #1 heart hospital in the Nation) They still concluded that would not be what they would do. It was all coming together, the peace  that we were to say here and take our cardiologist's advice for Isaiah at this time. Jay and I were in unity on the decision, which we always wanted to have.

So in the coming weeks, still no date planned, he will be having a cardiac MRI and lung scan and  a heart catheterization for a balloon and stent procedure on that left pulmonary artery. The intent is to take off the pressure from the very enlarged and sick Right Ventricle. He will also have his valve replaced which was his original birth defect. They will closely follow him after that surgery with more caths, ballooning and stenting to help that artery become larger and work more efficiently in the coming months, years. We so appreciate your prayers for him. It is going to be a long road. He will also be looking at more valve replacements with open heart surgeries, as the valve doesn't grow with him. 

My prayer is that he will not have fears and that he will not lose his sweet spirit from all of this medical trauma that has taken and will take place in his little life. Isaiah too is a fighter. We know that the nannies that so loved him did not realize how sick he really was and we are ever so grateful that the Lord brought him home to us in the timing that He did. Isaiah would not have gotten help in China until it was maybe too late. Today, here in our family, we are able to closely monitor his health with our excellent doctors and above our Isaiah's Creator and Healer.

I will post when I have a date scheduled for his surgeries. God is good, all the time. All the time, God is good.

Wordless Wednesday....Mama Bonding Time

Our Special Gift

We see all of our children as special blessings from the Lord, gifts from Him alone. Even though they came from human bodies it was He who created them, each unique, beautiful, precious, amazing!

Psalm 139:13-16 "For you created my inmost being; you knit me together in my mother's womb. I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; your works are wonderful, I know that full well. My frame was not hidden from you when I was made in the secret place. When I was woven together in the depths of the earth, your eyes saw my unformed body. All the days ordained for me were written in your book before one of them came to be."

Three years ago, Asher Thomas Quan (pronounced "Ch uw en") was born on February 23 in the wee hours of the morning. I imagine his parents were shocked to see his "disability". I am not sure what their reasons were for "giving" him up, putting in front of an orphanage gate early the next morning. I can have my speculations, but it doesn't matter, as I have no idea really, and on this side of life, will likely never know. Asher will have to decide on his own if someday he wants to try and find his family. I will support him at whatever he decides.


But even in the middle of all that trauma for my precious son, there was a gift given to Him by his Creator, their was life. He created Asher in his mother's womb perfectly suitable for God and His kingdom. He might not have looked like the "perfect" child to the world, but to God and to us he IS perfect and beautiful. The Heavenly, Father gave our family Asher as a gift to love, nurture, help to be healed, pray for, disciple, teach and provide security in a family. It has been truly the most amazing gift I could have ever imagined. I knew I always wanted to adopt. 

I have heard lots of horror stories of parents who had either been ignorant to their adopted child's needs or didn't have the best skills to handle the difficulties that could come with adoption, or for whatever reason should have never adopted in the first place. But for us it has been nothing like that. I am not saying it has been all easy and fun. Parenting is hard work, period. Parenting an adopted child takes dedication, education, understanding, patience, prayer and forever commitment to pour out yourself. However, truly it has been precious and beautiful, as all things from God are.

This gift of ours, turned 3 and has grown so much. Not only has he grown 6 inches and 8 pounds, 2 sizes in clothing, tons of new words, cognitively understands anything we say, but he is also growing spiritually. I rock and sing to him every night before bed. I have been signing "Jesus Loves Me", 2 of the verses  for months now. He will NOT let me forget to sign them, that song only and he often sings them himself, no matter how tired he is. He prays and while he rarely sits still, he will try to close his eyes during prayer time and will attempt to repeat anything I say for "his prayer".

The other day he was not very nice to his sister Lenea, and hurt her badly because he didn't get something she was playing with. At first he just scowled when I scolded him and set him on my lap. He would not say he was sorry to her, which we require in younger children, even if they aren't repentive. But the next day when I was examining her injury in front of him, he sweetly said, "I sorry Nea" all on his own. It melted my heart as he knew he had hurt her and was truly sorry.

In the next year, we look forward to seeing how he will relate to his younger siblings from China. I pray that he adjusts well. He is quite the Mama and Daddy boy, and we just won't have as many free hands for him after they are home so he will be forced to share. But inside his stubbornness is one sweet and loving child. He is mostly easy going and fun to be around.

He doesn't really care for cake so for his birthday so my daughter-in-love made the best chocolate chip cookies for him. He liked those better than cake. Happy Birthday my sweet Asher Quan. I don't know what my life would have been like without you in it. Surely it would have full of less love, happiness, fun, gentleness, understanding, youth, and I am ever so thankful I don't have to find out.

Surgery Up-date

I am sorry I didn't get this updated sooner. We had a few rough days, but not horrible for him. Then we had a birthday celebration and just life right after his surgery. So days have been very busy.

Asher's surgery went amazingly well. Prayers were answered big time. He is being healed, from the inside-out. I have been praying for complete emotional and physical healing almost  every day we have known him, even before adoption. God is so good!

When we arrived at the surgery center he was great. The nurses started pushing some typical things like weighing him (which he typically fights), putting on "their" Pajamas (which wasn't going to happen) and taking vitals etc. I had to speak up a little forcefully at first as they were just moving and a bit rushing him and that was not making the atmosphere feel nice, but they did end up backing off and became very cooperative and even kind about it, once they understood where he was coming from. They gave him the Versed before surgery, which last time made him a little aggitated. I was a bit worried as last time Daddy was there, and this time it was my daughter, Makenna and myself. But he ended up being fine with it and just wanted to sleep. He was even asking to lie down on the hospital bed that he didn't want to touch at first, because he knew he was so tired and wanted to sleep. The surgeon was about 20 minutes late (Asher was his first surgery that day), but he still came in and asked how we were doing and prayed over Asher. I can't say enough about what a kind and wonderful man for a surgeon we have. He also happens to be an amazing plastic surgeon.

They allowed me to walk him back to surgery and even hold him when they put him under. Then I was quickly ushered out. The surgeon had warned me that even though he expected to take about 2 1/2 hours that if it was longer it was only because he was a perfectionist and wanted to take his time. Well, the surgery lasted about  3 3/4 hours. I was fine about it. Makenna and I read and chatted.

We spoke with the surgeon afterward and he said it went great. Something that China repaired wasn't done correctly and he fixed that. Then about 30 minutes later we got to be with Asher. He was quite sleepy for about an hour. But the nurse kept encouraging us to rouse him and wake him. This was quite different from the hospital stay from the previous surgery, as he slept solid for 2 hours there and they didn't really encourage us to wake him as long as he was doing well, which he was. Surgery centers seem more like they want you to move to recovery so they can send you home.

He woke and ate 2 Popsicles, then began crying his tummy hurt. The nurse gave him some anti-nausea medicine. As we were getting ready to go home, he asked for water, drank a lot and then promptly threw up just as we were getting him dressed in his clothes, all over me. (He also threw up in the car on the way home, but we were prepared and it didn't make too much of a mess thankfully.) 

The nice thing about after this surgery was that he was very calm and not agitated like he was following his last surgery. He was not stressed about where he was or the nurse even touching him and taking his vitals like he was before. The whole experience was night and day different to him. So I am so thankful for that and know it was your prayers and God's hand in it all.

He did end up sleeping again when we got home at about 3 until 5, which I did too. Then he went to bed at 9 and slept until 5 without a peep. He really needed that! We both did. He did have quite a bit of pain the first few days and tummy aches. We got anti nausea medicine this time which helped. We kept him on pain meds for about 3 days. His biggest challenge is that he didn't want to really eat at all. He says "Lip hurts". But every day is getting better and he complains less. He has only been on Tylenol since day 3 post operation.

He saw the surgeon yesterday which he said he looks great. He did say one part of his nose already "fell" but it is not obvious to me and I think the surgeon is just a perfectionist as I think he looks great. But I thought he looked handsome before surgery too.

He is a fighter and is doing so well overall. Just 2 days after surgery he was almost bouncing off the walls with energy, I had to slow him down. He kept doing little things to hit his mouth and nose and then would cry and sometimes a little blood would come out. I was afraid that that he was going to cause it to open up. We are past that part now and things are getting back to normal. The doctor said no more surgeries for a while. He will have a bone graft at about 9 or 10 and maybe another lip/nose revision after that. Then we will just have to see what is needed at later times as he grows.  

He will still be in speech for a long time. However, he is progressing so nicely! He is finally making some consonant sounds that he could not make even 2 months ago, like B and P and even sometimes T. We have to understand that he didn't have the opportunity to progress in making sounds like a baby and toddler do until he was a 28 months old. So he has to progress just like a baby would in making sounds and connections with his words. He has the ability to do it now, but he also has to unlearn some habits he picked up along the way prior to his surgery. It will come with lots of patience, growth and practice. 

He can be quite stubborn and not want to cooperate with speech practice some days, typical 2-3 year old boy. Both of his therapists are great and know how to get his  cooperation and they both do it so differently. He is about done with Early Intervention (he turns three in late February), but we are going to try and see if our insurance will still pay for our in-home therapist that he has been seeing. If not then we will likely drive up to the therapist on the Cleft Team. Unfortunately, she is 30 minutes away, so not our first choice, especially when Elliana and Isaiah come home this summer.

Again thanks for your prayers! We are so thankful that he is growing and thriving. We are so blessed.

Prayer for Asher

Today Asher will be having his lip and nose reconstruction. Please pray with me.

Lord God, I lift up my precious son, a gift from you. Today he is having surgery in a just few hours. Lord, you know his needs, you know how to comfort him and give him peace. You know how to give our wonderful, gracious doctor (who loves you as well) a steady hand and wisdom. You know how to soften the hearts of the medical staff to have understanding and compassion for our son. You can do all these things. 

Lord, help Asher to not feel fear and anxiety, as he typically does with medical procedures. He has had a small cold the last few days and I am also concerned that might make things more uncomfortable for him, please heal him right now.

 I am up early as I can't sleep very well, so many thoughts and concerns on my heart. I ask for my clarity of mind, strength in the coming days as I comfort and nurse him, and ability to be "Mommy" in a patient, loving way to the rest of my children. 

Our Healer God, I pray that he will not have much pain post-op and that he will not scar (he scars very easily and quickly). I pray that he will not get stomach sick as he did last surgery and that he will be able to eat and drink. I ask you to he keep his hands off the surgery sites. 

I ask Lord our Comforter, that he would not have the previous sleep problems we had with the last surgery and he would not have the waking anxiety he had for the weeks that followed that surgery. Lord My God, heal his soul from past trauma and pain, that is so deep only you can see and you can touch.

He is an amazing child, a treasure, a light for your kingdom. I ask you to hold him in the palm of your hand today and forever. 

 

Tonsils No More

Lenea (almost 5 years old) has had a host of sore throats for the last couple of years. Only strep throat officially once or twice. I lost track, as there was 2 years there before the middle 4 got out their tonsils that we were getting strep every other month it seemed like..It was miserable. But since Jake, Toby and Moriah got out their tonsils last year and the year before, no more strep!!

Anyway, Lenea has acid reflux, allergies that produce constant runny nose and sneezes, and sore throats. When she gets a common cold, her tonsils swell up and "hurt" for a week or two after the cold is gone. And she snores.

So, it was off to the ENT. And yep, he suggested she get them pulled and her adnoids were HUGE as well. So last Thursday she got them out. She was really brave. She is getting braver all the time. She also starting getting allergy shots with myself, Jake, Moriah and Toby. In the past she has been terrified of shots of any kind. On her 3 year check up she needed 3 immunizations and there was a very large nurse who held her legs down while another one shot both of her thighs up. She was screaming and kicking from the get-go and of course that made it hurt all the more.

Well this year, she had to give blood to confirm a Tree Nut allergy (yep still has it) and start allergy shots. She has been so brave!! Our allergist's office staff are amazing women, really. Our last allergist was a joke. He was kind enough, but didn't listen to my concerns and questions. He didn't give me clear answers, basically I felt I knew more than he did; and his staff (at least some of them, not all) were rude and slow. We had to wait 30 minutes following each injection. So when there were 6 of us at a time getting shots, weekly at times, and they were slow to give them, we would spend an hour in the waiting room. It became old and my older kids didn't even want to finish their therapy.

Last year I had had enough with the rude nurses and switched doctors. I am so happy to report that these new nurses treat us almost like family (yes, there are still 5 of us coming in and more in the future). They see us weekly, they make the kids laugh and are kind and brag on them for doing such a good job. A big bonus is that it is literally 3 minutes from our house and we ONLY have to wait 20 minutes, plus they are fast. I can even call when we are on the way and let them know, so they prepare our injections ahead of time. I LOVE it..

Anyway, that was a bit of a bunny trail. But my point being that Lenea has been so extremely brave lately. She even smiles when she gets her shots and the allergy nurses are key in that by the way they praise her.

So surgery day she was brave and almost excited. The versed they gave her ahead of surgery, made her quite silly as she was laying in bed watching Sesame Street for the first time in her life. She laughed and laughed and even called them "My Friends" while she touched the screen. It was hard not to laugh at her state.

After surgery her doctor said she did great and had very large adenoids. He wanted to keep her overnight for swelling possibility because of the amount of tissue he removed and her age. I was tired already and didn't really expect it since the other 3 kids got to go home. However, I trust and like our doctor very much. He also did my sinus surgery 18 months ago. He did say that if I felt she was doing really well she may be able to go home early.

Up to pediatrics ward we went. She was greeting with a sweet nurse, a balloon, a school bus bag and a sweet handmade pillow case for her to keep. She was excited. But not so excited as she started getting hungry and they would only allow her to have a clear liquid diet. ( That is only jello, juice, popsicles and broth. ) The first few popsicles were fine, but after that she wanted something else. Her pain was managed "okay" with plain Tylenol (and really has been since surgery). Finally, by 7, she still hadn't slept all day (since waking up at 10:15 or so) and I thought she was doing great, she was just starving. So, I asked the nurse to call the doctor and ask if she could go home that night. It of course took an hour to figure it out, but they did allow her to have a soft diet and I ordered her Mac N. Cheese, which she devoured....We got to go home about 8 that night. It was so great to go home. She had a bit of a rough night those first 2 nights, although not horrible. During the day she has played pretty much all day, but does complain of pain a bit here and there. Her biggest challenge has been she doesn't really want to eat, I don't blame her. But tonight I did take her out to do some Christmas shopping and we stopped and got some French Fries and she loved them. So I think her appetite is coming back, or the pain is getting less.

It has been a night and day difference in her recovery compared to my 2 boys and even her sister, who doesn't really complain when she isn't feeling well anyway. So I am thankful that we got it done now. Age really does seem to make a big difference for littles with surgeries. When they tell you that they bounce back quickly, they really do!! Even with Asher's palate repair back in June, he was playing the next day, although fussy here and there and had sleep issues.

On another side note, Asher is having another surgery January 9th for Lip and Nose Revision. It is an out patient this time and supposed to be an even easier recovery than the palate repair, But it will be an obvious incision for all to see and we will have to do some special things to protect it more and help it not to scar.

Worship and Consecration

We had an especially worshipful weekend. Eliza, Moriah and Lenea, 3 of our girls, have been taking worship dance and ballet this last semester. It is a wonderful dance school, that we had been a part of years ago for about 5 years. But due to the drive (it takes us about 40 min one way) and the busyness in our lives we had to stop for a time. However, Lenea has been begging me to take dance and I knew Eliza loved it when she took classes before, so we made the weekly sacrifice of driving and spending 4 hours while they each took their lessons every Friday. We plan to do it again this next semester and I hope it works out for the next year. I do know that with Elliana and Isaiah, it might be too hard to manage for some time, so we will see.

This last Friday was the Worship performance. It is always a huge blessing, and a time of sharing testimonies and giving God all the glory. I think I have watched about 8 of these performances and each time I am moved to tears of joy for God's glory. It really is an amazing time.

Here are some of my beautiful daughters worshiping Jesus.

 This was Dress Rehearsal and Lenea is our 4 year old, 2nd from the left.

 This was the actual performance and Lenea is the 3rd from the left. This group was so, so cute.There song was "God Is Good" by Marantha.

Here she is with the red rose her Daddy gave her. She was so excited to be a "real" dancer tonight and not just playing at home.

 Again, dress rehearsal for our 9 year old, Moriah. She is the left in the maroon skirt.

 Moriah, waiting for her turn to go at the performance with her other dancemates.
She is in the middle with the maroon skirt.

 Here they are worshiping to a full house, Moriah is the middle girl, standing a bit forward. Their song was, "So Good To Me", by Shout to the Lord Kids.

 Eliza, our 14 year old, she is doing her dress rehearsal here. She is the brunette in the front with hands stretched out.

 Here is the performance and Eliza is 3rd from the left. This group was large, with 15 girls and their dance was to "Never Underestimate My Jesus", by Relient K.

After LOTS of shopping yesterday grocery and Christmas, we had my mom over for her birthday dinner. Then today at church we had s special service dedicated to children and families. Our church is fairly young and evolving so they had never had a "dedication" of sorts for children. Today we got "caught" up. It will become a more regular event now, but today we had 17 families consecrating a total of 40 children to the Lord. Some of the children are in the home, some in the womb, some in other countries waiting to come home by adoption and some haven't even been revealed yet (families that are starting the adoption process but don't know whom their child will be).

It was a precious time. Our pastor gave a sermon on children and then the Consecration Service began.

We dedicated Lenea and Asher, whom we have not done publicly before now. And we also dedicated Elliana and Isaiah, even though they are yet to legally become our children and are still in China, we want to make known we think of them as our children today and promise to raise them in the admonition of the Lord, for His service and kingdom.

Here we are, with Elliana in the background while we Consecrate her to the Lord.

Lenea

Lenea's name is a version of a family name.. April and her mother both have the middle name "Lenee" (pronounced like Renee with a L beginning) which was derived from April's French Great-Great Grandmother with the last name Mar-Lenee. The meaning of  Lenee is "Light" or "beautiful Light"

Her defining attribute is: Prayerful Advocate
  
Her defining purpose: Lenea's defining purpose to be a light for the weak and helpless . 

Asher

Asher's name means joyful, happy. 

His defining attribute is: Joyful Strength

His defining purpose: Asher's defining purpose it to count it all Joy in the Strength the Lord has given him and be strength for the hopeless.


Elliana


Elliana's name means "God has answered".


Her defining purpose: Elliana's defining purpose is to Be God's Voice for the needy.


Isaiah

Isaiah's name means "God is salvation".

His defining purpose: Isaiah's defining purpose is to share the Good News of God's salvation.

We Gotcha....a year ago today...

One year ago today, we walked into the life of a precious 21 month old boy, whom we named Asher Thomas Quan (pronounced Ch' u en). We had been praying for him and falling in love with him for already 9 months. However, he didn't know anything about us yet. We had sent photos of our family and we do know he was shown them, but how much can a toddler comprehend?

He was not afraid of us on that first meeting, when he was "unfairly" taken from his foster family early that morning and brought to an office building where adoption paperwork is signed. All he likely knew was that he was going for a ride, given some cookies, and got to play on some toys with some other possible, familiar faces around him (there were a few nannies from the orphanage who had known him a little bit likely and 3 other children that he met monthly at the orphanage). When we walked into the room our hearts were racing, anxiety a little high not sure how he would respond to us, but so full of joy and excitement that we were finally meeting our son.

He was apprehensive for about 20 minutes, but allowed us to play with him, give him a sucker, sit on my lap and even let his new Daddy throw him in the air, with giggles that followed. We spent maybe 90 minutes maximum at this office, signing papers for us to take 24 hours to decide if we wanted to adopt him. They were sort of letting us "foster" him for the next 24 hours, so it was a bit different than adoption. 

It would not have mattered to us, we would have signed the adoption paperwork that minute. He was our son and we would have done anything to make that happen. We knew God had brought him into our lives and we already loved him like he was ours. We followed the formality of the system, understanding the reasoning. Unfortunately, some families do end up not accepting the child they intended to adopt after that 24 hour period. But for us it was a done deal from the moment we met his face in a photo and read what little we knew about his life.

Then we were off. We went to the grocery store to buy some diapers, as they sent none and he was in a very full diaper. I had a few but it would not last 2 weeks. Also, we needed formula, again he was sent with nothing except a bag of opened cookies and some spicy chips of some weird sort that were half eaten and he wouldn't even touch (I think the nannies enjoyed them more than he did.) And he needed shoes. He was wearing very worn out girl shoes that were too small. So off to the store for our needed items and some other things and then back to the hotel. He played with his new big sister Lenea, for a little bit and let me give him a bottle, which he only drank 2 oz at a time then. Then he fell asleep in my arms and slept for 4 hours. He didn't cry really at all. He seemed undaunted by the fact that we looked, spoke and smelled nothing like he had ever witnessed before. He sort of just fit in right away. We knew it had to be God.

He slept with us that first night but sort of at a distance. I kept my hand on him the entire night, so he would know I wasn't far even if he didn't want to touch me himself. He slept pretty good, with one wake up for about an hour, fussing and whining but went back to sleep.  But night #2 was much different. He woke up scared, bewildered and angry about 1 AM that night. I took him out of the bed, as Lenea and Jay were still sleeping, and tried to give him a bottle. He wouldn't take it and just kept pushing me away but then wanted me to hold him at the same time. It was obvious that things were sinking in and he wasn't sure he wanted to be there. It ended up being 4 hours of him sobbing, as a toddler can do. It wasn't like a tantrum, but more like grieving. I had tears at times myself, but then I just began singing some praise songs in his ear over and over and over and over again. I held him close and eventually he let me feed him some milk. When he finally settled down, he would not leave my side in that bed. He held onto me for dear life.

 During the day, he was a typical toddler who was asserting his independence and ran around touching everything in site. I don't think he had boundaries in his life and was not used to having things he couldn't touch. He learned "No" quickly though and we began teaching him signs (the few we knew) as he couldn't talk at all. Signing helped him tremendously, it was if the light went on in his mind that he could communicate and be "heard". All he did up to that point was grunt. Nighttime however, was his way of processing his experience and the trauma of it all. He would latch onto me or Jay, usually me as we were trying to help him bond to my primarily first, and when he woke he was terrified. 

He would cry or whine and hit himself, and did this a couple times a night for up to an hour each time. It was heartbreaking. His sleep was restless and unpeaceful those first few days. He did nap each day so that helped us get through that time. I ended up being by myself with him the last week, as Jay and Lenea headed back home. It was an exhausting 8 days, but God helped me through and we bonded so much. during that time. He was still terrified if I left his side, which I really couldn't and at waking up, but he was feeling more and more at ease and comfortable with me.

Upon coming home to the US, he was stirred up a bit the first week. I think jet lag and meeting new brothers and sisters and coming into another new environment (we had 3 different hotels in China) was all about that. He settled into a routine easily and even began eating a lot more. In China, he was very picky and wouldn't eat very much a time. He only weighed 22 lbs so I was concerned. Once we were home he began eating up to 6 oz bottles (remember only 2 oz in China),  and he began eating foods (not everything still a bit picky but enough , in China he would eat maybe a few bites of yogurt and a few noodles but that was it). So it was a quick adjustment.

He loved his brothers and sisters right away. Some of them are more of the "in your face" type of children and he didn't appreciate that for a while. He would just hit them in the face, so they usually just learned to back off. But the ones that were quietly sitting by his side and would wait for his cue were quickly accepted into his heart. He especially loved the oldest brother and sisters, who all seemed to be mini Mamas and Daddies in his mind. We had to be careful not to confuse him, by letting him attach to them too much before he was attached to Mama and Daddy. So we controlled the things they could do for him and the amount of time they loved on him. I am so appreciative for all their love and support and understanding about that, because each of them just wanted to snatch him up and love on  him like they did with all the other baby siblings that came home in the past. I know it was hard for them to keep hands off a lot of the time.

So tonight we celebrated this precious boy's life and us becoming a family to him. God has taught me so much the last year about love and how my heart could grow so full for a child that I did not birth. I truly birthed him in my heart and I could only think of him as My son. It has been a wonderful year with him in our family. I celebrate every day the Lord has given me with him.

On tonight's menu we had Fried Rice, Chicken Lettuce Wraps, Lemon Chicken and Mandarin Oranges. I thought he would like at least the rice and lemon chicken, but he would only eat the oranges and one bite of the chicken, only because he wanted to try the chopsticks. He is definitely a picky toddler. Oh well, the rest of us ate it all up, especially the Lettuce Wraps.. yummy!

 I also am sharing his Adoption Video that is finally completed. If you don't want to watch the entire 13 minutes, you can skip ahead about 1/4 way through and see his Gotcha Day video footage.

Oh, I also wanted to share that we did drive down to the immigration office this morning. What a test of faith for me. We were greeted with a very grumpy security guard who was not going to allow us to print. But Jay would not take "No" for an answer and asked to talk to the Supervisor. We waited 10 minutes for him to get off the phone, while all along observing that the office was pretty quiet, with at least 2 finger print technicians just sitting there. The supervisor was almost as grumpy as the guard and it was obvious he wanted to turn us away. After Jay gave our case and explained the reasons he didn't seem empathetic but just said "I will think about it and let you know", then ushered Jay out of this office and closed the door. We sat silently in the chairs and I just prayed, still keeping faith that the Lord wanted us do complete them today and that He would take care of all of it. About 20 minutes later the supervisor came out of his office and handed our paperwork to the guard. The guard called us up and gave us the paperwork to fill out and said nothing else to us. I was silently praising God knowing he had changed the heart of the "kings" on our behalf. After filling out the paperwork we were printed and out of there in 5 minutes..!!! Praise the Lord. So keep praying that the finger prints are acceptable, if not we have trek down there again; as well that USCIS approval will come that first week of December. That is only 2 weeks away, I am so happy to be almost done with this next step as well. A little closer to our precious China sweeties.


Now, onto the video: We Love You Asher!!

How AM I Able to This Anyway?

Do  I believe the Bible to be 100 % true and God to be incapable of telling a lie, ever? Do I believe that He is the one alone who takes care of our physical, financial, emotional and spiritual needs? It is nothing that I can do alone, by staying "healthy", spending every penny as if "I" know exactly what I am to do with it, get as much sleep I "think" I should have or deserve, fill my emotional love "tank" with all I believe it should have, doing "a, b and c" making sure everything will work out just "right" for my family..etc. etc.. Do you see what I am saying? I can do nothing alone, without living IN Christ and walking minute by minute in the Lord's path for me, none of us can do that. My walk with the Lord, my marriage, my children, my parenting skills, my adoption journey and the rest will look similar on many aspects to some people, but mostly different in all situations. The Lord takes us each on a walk that will speak individually. What speaks deepest to my soul and moves me to obedience, what looks like discipline to me and what I need to keep my eyes focused on Christ will likely be vastly different than anyone else. So when I talk of  "our" story, keep that in mind. Jay and I want to always walk in obedience to Christ and his commandments. But mostly we want to love Him with all we are.Yes, we fail in that desire and I am so thankful that Jesus knows this and He loved me first, while I was still a sinner.

I will say that at times, many times my faith is so very weak and small. I feel so inadequate to this calling of motherhood and especially adoption. I just simply can NOT do this, at all. There are many moments through out my day that I just fail over and over again. I get irritated over silly things, I become lazy when I have a mountainous list before me of jobs and responsibilities, I feel frustrations sometimes over my own hard working husband's inability to be the "perfect" father that I often expect (even though I am NOT that perfect parent either), I battle anxiety at times over what will happen to my children if they don't walk with the Lord, I want to control every penny that enters our home and my list goes on and on. Marriage helps me to die to my flesh and learn to give to someone else, otherwise our marriage would be doomed. Parenting keeps me humble and on me knees. And fortunately the older my children become and the more we have, the more humble I become and the more needy on my Lord. Praise God!!

So I focus on scriptures like these that give me encouragement as a Christian, mother and wife:

Philippians 4:13 " I can do all things through Christ which strengthenth me."
James 1:27 " Religion that God our Father accepts as pure and faultless is this: to look after orphans and widows in their distress and to keep oneself from being polluted by the world."

Psalm 82: 3-4 "Defend the cause of the weak and the fatherless; Maintain the rights of the poor and oppressed. Deliver the weak and needy from the hand of the wicked.”

Titus 2:4-5 "Then they can train the younger women to love their husbands and children, to be self-controlled and pure, to be busy at home, to be kind, and to be subject to their husbands, so that no one will malign the word of God."
When we began our first adoption to Asher we had just about $4000 saved from that year's taxes and that was it. We lived from pay check to pay check and didn't make the income requirements to meet China's standards. (We were thankfully able to use Tyler's income as he lived full time with us and was considered our dependent even though he was keeping all his own income, he lived here rent and board free. That helped us to qualify.) So when we looked at the adoption ticket price of over $30,000 it seemed astronomical to our minds. But we knew we had a father who owns the cattle on a thousand hills and asked us to walk through the door of adoption that he put on our hearts so many years ago and from his scriptures he blesses us by taking care of orphans. So we started the process. We quickly began keeping a very tight budget. We already shopped frugally and thrift stores, we had cut out things like cable TV, eating out for meals and extra entertainment for the most  We just didn't know how we could save any more money. We did eat some simpler, less expensive meals on many occasions (beans and rice, homemade oatmeal, eggs, spaghetti, potatoes etc). We sold a car that we knew we could get some cash from and bought a junky car (and I tell you, it WAS Junky, but it got us through that year). We were more diligent with every penny we spent but we kept tithing and giving back to the Lord as well. We believe without a doubt today that every penny that comes into our home is HIS alone and we should be asking HIM what he wants us to do with each penny. Not an easy task for me when my security has been found in material things for a long time. I am thankful to have a husband who is so different than I am in that regard and he has helped me to have a more balanced approach.


In the end we did put our flights to China for $5,000 on our credit card.However, up until that point we paid every penny in cash, so about $28,000. ($8,000 of was given to us in the form of a matching grant and from friends). That amazes me and I am so thankful for God's provision. We were able to pay off the credit card in February when we got our tax return. Yeah! So that adoption is paid for. That bring us to this adoption where we are desiring to adopt 2 children. The price for 2 concurrent adoptions is about $45,000. I am estimating on the higher end, it could be a few thousand less, but not much. We have paid $4000 already and Jay's work will pay $4000 when we come home from China (many companies have adoption grants). We have about $600 saved this week for the next fee and that is it. I have no idea how we will come up with the rest. I know Jay is working overtime when he is able and that will all add up to help. The thing is, is that I am not worried. I can't say I never think about how it will all come together. I am just learning to praise God for doing it. I know he will. I know he has this covered. I know that I am walking in obedience to adoption and that the little one we have been matched with needs a family today, not later when we have all the money "saved" by our own doing. I know that if we waited for all the money to be saved then God could not show his grace and work. It would end up being our work saving the money. I want to give Him the glory, not me, not Jay.

John 3:30 "He must increase, but I must decrease."

If I stay "increased" in this adoption process, meaning working out the details and finances then God will not get the glory. I know it sounds too simple that way, but I believe it. He wants to show us all how big He is and how much he loves these orphans.  I am learning that God loves to use the weak and show himself. If God brings some to adoption He will see you through it, it is HIS business. We just need to be faithful and yes that often means being good with our money. So I am stepping out in faith, anticipating the way my God will provide for our next adoption.

On The Road Again...

God has impressed on us to begin another journey. The journey that leads us to the greatest blessings. This journey will challenge us, keep us on our knees, stretch us in ways we never were, cause Satan to attack us, keep our bank accounts dry, give us tears of frustration, make our hearts grow bigger than they were before, bring joy that exudes from our soul, have us praising God from the mountain tops, give us a precious gift greater than any gold, store up treasures in heaven. I am excited and so privileged to start this journey. 

If you haven't guessed already what the journey is, it is one that will take us to China again and bring us a new child or two. Yes, I said two. We are hoping to bring home two precious Chinese children home to our family by this time next year. 

There are over 145 million orphans in the world. God commands us as believers to care for the widows and orphans. We believe God has called Jay and I to take some into our family, to give them a mother and father that is devoted to them. We know WE are not the ones who will save them. That is God's doing. But we are willing vessels to give up all we have, to love these precious gifts of His.

After 2 weeks of praying and studying agencies, we have finally picked one that has a little girl we are interested in pursuing. She is only 3 months younger than Asher, which makes her birthday in June 2010. However, she is quite developmentally delayed, that from her pictures and short videos she looks like a 12 month old. She has a leg deformity that we still aren't quite sure all the details of. Her medical report is quite vague. We have already fallen in love with her. We plan to name her Elliana (Ellie) which means "God is Yahweh". We will put part of her Chinese name for her middle name as well.

As far as the second child, we aren't sure yet how that will work out. We just believe we are to follow God's leading. We desire to keep birth order in our family and that will mean the second child will likely be close to age 1 when we get matched with him or her. 

For now, we are getting our paperwork in to begin the homestudy process again and for the placing agency we are using, which is Lifeline.  Then we will ask China to give us a Preapproval for the little girl we love already. Once that is approved, I imagine we will begin looking at files for a second child.  

Your prayers are appreciated. Our bank accounts are empty after paying the first fees and while we do think we can pay a good amount each month as we save and scrimp, prayers are always helpful in that area. Honestly, I must admit I am not looking forward to all the waiting.. the waiting on homestudy meetings, homestudy approval, immigration approval, China's approval, immigration approval AGAIN, travel approval and more..That was so trying on my patience last time. I hope I can have more faith and patience this time around.

We know God will bring home our babies and we are grateful He has brought us on this journey again. We truly are the ones that have been blessed with Asher's adoption. All of our children were so excited when we told them and had been asking us for months when we were going to bring home a sibling for Asher? When we told them we were going to bring home two siblings they were thrilled.

We also need prayers for all the major adjustments we will be dealing with. Jay and I will be traveling together and needing to leave Asher behind. It will have been almost two years since he came when we actually go, and he is bonding so well. It really has been easy with him. He fits into our family so well and truly is a happy boy. But, he is a Mommy AND Daddy boy. It will be hard for him not having either of us for two weeks and then when he has us again he will have two siblings to share us with. The good news is that he LOVES all of his older siblings and they truly love Him. He is going to have lots of distractions and a huge amount of attention. 

I will keep you updated as  I have more news. I am hoping my next bit of news will be pre-approval from China. We can't submit that until Jay and I have our doctor physicals. I have mine in a week and Jay is the week after mine, so it might be a good month until we have that PA from China. Again, I need my patience with this process. It all comes together, but it is slow.

Has It Been 2 Weeks Already?

Two weeks ago was Asher's palate repair.
I am so glad it is all done with! Yeah, I am shouting for joy. The doctor was able to complete the entire palate surgery with this one. We are thrilled. If it heals up completely he will be done with the palate  until he is about 8-10, for the bone grafting surgery. But because of the success of the  surgery, the surgeon did NOT allow us to give him a bottle following surgery like he first said, as he really didn't want to have do it again, for Asher's sake. I was not happy and neither was Asher. But we did figure out the Tender Care Feeders were a good enough substitute. But it has been a challenge, as he really misses that feeding and bonding time with Mama.

It wasn't a complicated surgery, but the night's stay in the hospital was a difficult experience for him. He cried for hours through out the night, in my arms in the hospital bed. I am not sure it was because he was in pain, as we really tried to keep up on that well. I think it had more to do with the fact that he was put in Peds ICU, which meant we had a regular room but had a nurse sitting on the side of our bed the entire time he was there. He just did NOT trust those people and he did NOT want to be there. He cried every time they touched him, even for temp reads and blood pressures.


They were really kind and compassionate toward him. I made a care plan out and had it in his chart. They made sure each nurse read it and followed it. I focused mostly on his medical trauma instead of adoption and attachment. As unfortunately, I have been finding that most medical professionals are clueless about attachment and always have an opinion to give about what we are doing to facilitate that (ie still giving him the bottle, co-sleeping, no other care givers etc.). So I focused on what I new they would get and they were much more willing to comply with gentle and understanding care as long as he was not having complications. Thank the Lord, he did not.

So we came home the following afternoon and he was so happy to see and play with everyone. I took him of the pain meds the next day, after he threw up from them and still wasn't eating well. I put him strictly on tylenol and it seemed to control the pain okay. Plus, he finally wanted to eat. It still took another few days for him to eat a lot, but a small couple bites of applesauce was better than nothing.

We saw the surgeon last Thursday and he said it all is healing up wonderfully. He is encouraging us to do the lip and nose revision this fall/winter. I am really going to pray about it. While I do trust our surgeon, I am just not ready for another surgery today. I want to do what the Lord wants though, and He knows what is best.

The biggest reason I am not ready, is that this surgery seemed to bring up trauma issues for Asher during sleep time again. This was something we dealt with the first few months he was home and we were finally there at I believe a healing place. He is already doing better today than he was a week ago. However, I am not sure if that would be good or not for him to do another surgery so soon. The good news is that the doctor did say we can still give him the bottle after that surgery, although Asher may not feel like taking it for a few days.

So we will be praying and asking God for HIS best in this decision.

Daddy holding Asher for the 30 minutes after they gave him Versed to help be relaxed and not have memory prior and during to walking back to surgery. He was fine up until the last 5 minutes, then he started to cry, since he did not like the weird feeling and that he couldn't hold his head up. Poor Guy. When the nurse came to get him, he willingly went with her in his arms. They never did make us put hospital PJs on him, thanks to my Care Plan. We just took of his shirt and he kept his diaper and PJ shorts on. It really helped the transition go smoother for him.

 This is where Jay and I waited for almost 4 hours during his surgery. It wasn't the must comfy place to sit but it worked. We have decided that while we really like the Ottomans they have, it would have been nice to have a higher backed couch to lean your head back on, or maybe a pillow.

 His wonderful anesthesiologist kept his word, and as soon as Asher was taken to recovery he came to the waiting room and got me. I sat, or should I say stood by his bed for 2 1/2 hours as he would just NOT wake up. His vitals were great, breathing well on his own, just quite a tired boy. I got to know his nurse really well though. 

After about 2 hours he did make some communication to us (Jay was finally back with me as well). He signed, with his eyes closed, "more" and "help". I told the nurse that and she wrote it down as communicating, since that was one of the things they needed to move him to Pediatrics. However, he did still continue to sleep, he was just very comfortable. I finally convinced the nurse that after all that time I thought it would be more stressful for him if we waited for him to wake up and then promptly move him to another room. She agreed and got permission to move him before he woke since his vitals had been so great and it had been so long, after all. Wouldn't you know it, he woke when she wheeled him to the elevator and Jay and I weren't with him? It was only for a few minutes, but I so wanted us to be the first that he saw. Maybe that is why he woke? Because after we had been standing by his side, he then sensed we weren't there with him anymore?

This was the hour before he got to come home. Daddy came back to relieve me so I could actually use the bathroom and get changed and brush my teeth. The nurse got discharge papers ready and we left shortly after. But Asher really enjoyed this wagon. I have no pictures of the time between recovery and this, as all I did was hold that little boy and listen to him moan and cry a lot in my arms from about 5 PM until the next morning. He did perk up a lot when Daddy came about 10 AM. He was a trooper and I came home and had a huge stress let down. I was tired, but so thankful it was done and a success. Thank you to our wonderful doctors and nurses.