Always A Mommy

23 years ago on January 9th, I became a first time Mommy.

It was a difficult first 5 months of pregnancy, but did finish off an uneventful last few months. I went 14 days past my due date to end with a challenging, excruciating,  and long back labor. There was no epidural, 4 hours of pushing which then resulted in an emergency c-section.

Tyler Jay was born, all beat up with a scab right above his eye due to the internal monitor they put on him, as he was presenting face first and the doctors didn't know. He had too thick of red blood cells and was required a saline/blood type transfusion through the umbilical chord site. He had to be monitored for 24 hours.

I was extremely sick, feverish and weak from a lot of blood loss. My iron levels were way below normal, I was not allowed out of bed that first 24 hours. Sadly, I did not get to see him that first day. It was all very disheartening to this new mama, whose hormones were kicking into high gear. I cried a lot that night. At this military hospital, Jay was not allowed to stay in my room after hours either. So I was all alone and scared.

Our beginning was rough, but once I took him into my arms, that first time holding my almost 9 lb baby boy, it was bliss. He nestled under my chin, as he slept and I can still remember that intense feeling of love, welled up in my heart. I was a "Mommy" and it was miraculous. Both of us had almost lost our lives, but God protected us. It was the first time, in a long time, where I really began to seek God and ask for His guidance as this huge burden for my baby boy was on my heart, mind and soul all the time!

I would love to have a Magic Wand and relive some of the "first" moments holding my children. God has blessed me with 11 and each of them was just as amazing as the one before. I come to literal tears each time I reminiscence those days. Sigh...and too quickly they all grow up. It is good and right, but it is hard too.

Parenting one, two, three, and so on has grown me up. I was only 20 years old when I became known as "Mommy". However, God began to gently show me I was no longer a "one woman" show. I needed His help. Being an only child, in a very dysfunctional family growing up, caused me to always be very independent and to believe all I ever needed in my life was, "Me, Myself and I". Over the last 23 years of parenting, I know without a doubt that I don't need Me, Myself and I at all...I just need Jesus. I wish it didn't take so long to figure it out but I am thankful I do get it now, even while I still have so many Blessings to take care of at home.

And now I find even with my oldest son that while my duties of nurturing, teaching, discipling, and snuggling are long gone...my work as his Mommy is never done. In fact, it is different, but it is harder. I find myself more burdened, asking the Lord, on my knees to protect Tyler and his family. I beg the Lord to keep him fully devoted to Christ. I seek the Lord for his future children, in faith, that the Lord will bring up a mighty generation through my son and his wife.

So now, is the time. Emily and Tyler will be having their first child some time in July 2015.
It is a boy and they will name him Hudson Crew.

I find such a burden to pray for Hudson, knowing that God is the only one to take care of him.
Thank you Jesus, you are such a patient, loving, and good God. I so look forward to meeting little Hudson.

And Happy Birthday Tyler... (sorry this was a few days late). I'll love you forever. I'll like you for always. As long as I'm living my baby you'll be. I can't wait to watch and pray for you as you are a Daddy to Hudson.

 

Photos Not For the Faint Of Heart

When innocent, helpless children are persecuted and treated in ways that animals don't even get treated, we all feel disgusted. Those of us that call ourselves "Christians" and who seek to be God's heart MUST do more for these precious ones.

If you have a few minutes look at these few heartrending photos of Russian orphans and say some prayers. It is Satan's scheme to keep Russia from allowing us to adopt from their country, but God is still King of Kings and He WILL win the war for these children. This is just one example of Satan's ploys against adoption and attacking innocent children. You will see that most of the photos are of disabled children. In Russia, disabled people are seen as scum and treated as such. Little children are put into hospitals for the mentally insane when they have certain diagnosis.

Russian Photos 

A Few Updates

We picked up "A" from the airport last Saturday. Onto the way to the airport we all agreed that we were going to be sad 4 weeks later when we were making the return trip to take him back.
He is one amazing and adorable boy!! I have to say that he is just so precious. Please, please pray that the right family meets him while he is here. He is kind, respectful, obedient, loving, understands-speaks- even reads lots of English, gentle with the littles, smart, fun, eats whatever we have given him (although he really likes green apples and crackers)...I could go on. I know God will have wonderful plans for this boy.

Here is a couple of photos of him.

On Sunday, our Jacob graduated from the Basic Ellerslie Leadership program that Makenna graduated from in June of 2012. We are so excited to see what God has in store for his life. He has definitely grown a lot through the 9 week program spiritually, emotionally and socially. Today he says he plans to be a missionary one day and is going to work hard at school to he can graduate early.

It thrills me to see his love for the Lord. Here is some baptism photos from a couple of weeks ago. He decided to be baptized again (he was 2 years ago). He felt the first time was more because others were doing it and not so led by the Lord. He stood in a freezing cold lake (the day before our subzero temperatures hit), with wind and with bronchitis and proclaimed that he was giving his body to the Lord. AMEN...thank you Jesus.

 

Here are a few photos of Jacob and his friends, mentors and pastors from the Leadership Program and from church.

We are so thankful for our church and the Godly men that are there to encourage our boys in doing the hard things for the Lord.

Happy "Gotcha" Day and My "High Calling"

Two years ago today, with much excitement and trepidation I walked off an elevator to a Chinese Civil Affairs office to meet our new little son. Asher has been a joy from the first day we met him. We had some hard moments, hours, and nights those first weeks. However, it seemed all my prayers were answered as he was meant to be a part of our family and he quickly attached and loved being a part of our lives. He has grown so much the last 2 years. He was a "baby" at almost 2 years old then and today he is a preschooler who is learning so much. He is strong, active, silly, smart, and most of the time "happy" (just like the meaning of his name, it really has been a perfect fit for him). 

I remember feeling so scared that day, thinking if he would come to love me as his Mommy. He had been in a relationship with many women in his life (his "China" Mom, nannies, foster Mom) and I wasn't sure if any of that was positive and loving for him, surely much of it was confusing and painful for him. I have not been a perfect Mommy by all means. Sometimes I am impatient, sometimes I don't understand his needs nor can meet them, and sometimes I am distracted with my own busyness. I desire to be all I can be for him and all of my children. God has given me so much to devote my life to. I am so thankful that in spite of myself, Asher has come to see me as "Mommy" and I pray all the time he never forgets. I tell him every day how much I love him and that I will always be his Mommy.

 Here is sweet Asher just the night before we left China in November 2011. Look at his cuteness..

 Here is most of our family in March 2013 when we "re-adopted" him, standing in front of the court house. 

 And here he picked a "flower" for Mommy this last summer. Still the same preciousness, but even a bigger joyful heart. I just love this boy.. I am so blessed. Praise Jesus!!

I had someone tell me the other day, who I see weekly, that she could see my adoptive children were "healing" and that she believed I was a big part of that. She called me "her hero"..wow, I felt very humbled, knowing full well, I am not a hero. I can't do this apart from God. I know yesterday when I got angry with one of my children instead of directing them patiently, I was not a "hero". I am so thankful that God chose me for this position though. I told her "Thank you, it is only Jesus. But I just pray one day that my children can think of me as their 'hero'". She agreed. I don't give my life for anyone else, but for Jesus and my children. That is what my calling is. 

Although, this last Sunday at church through my pastor's sermon God taught me something.

If I am to be a faithful 'man' (aka 'woman') for the Lord, I will be resolute, confident, decided, singular focus and all in for the Service the Lord has called me to, changing that out for my own strength, will-power, goodness, talent, etc. It is not by my ability rather by God's to do this work.

Proverbs 20:6-7 "Most men will proclaim each his own goodness, but who can find a faithful man? The righteous man walks in his integrity; His children are blessed after him."

I do NOT want to be "Most Men (aka women)" proclaiming in my goodness. I want to walk faithful, in the righteousness of Jesus. In order, that my children will be blessed. If I can do that, oh what a legacy and gift I will give my children. 

The part that was a bit hard to swallow from this teaching was that I need to do my faithful work for the Lord with the following question to be answered with a "YES"....

"Am I willing to take the lowest place in my calling and not be remembered? In my motherhood?" 

Jesus is who should be remembered, not me. I want to show Jesus, the only part of me to my children and husband. If I am not remembered but He is, wow..to God be the Glory. Proverbs 20:7 "His (My) children are blessed". I must be okay that when I am finished raising my children. And that even if they do not remember me and all "I" did for them, or even if I never see them again for whatever paths the Lord takes them on it is for His glory, not mine and that it His plan and not mine. I need to surrender them to Him. If He chooses to take one of them from this earth before I "think" it is time, I must willing surrender them to Him. He is their heavenly Father, their Creator and Lord. I am just a vessel He graciously chose to serve them for a number of years and I will joyfully do this until my last breath.

Don't think this is easy for me. I am human too. I am also a recovering control freak, well most of the time, because Jesus lives in me. I have to seek the Lord's forgiveness for the wording I said the other day,  "I pray my children can think of me as their 'hero'".. How selfish of me to say that. No, I want Jesus to be their hero, nothing from my own ability. Forgive me Lord for wanting to be exalted. 

When I take my last breath, I don't want my children to exalt me, but rather sing praise of joy that I will be entering the kingdom of our Savior, because He alone is their Hero!!

A Storm

Last Saturday afternoon, our county was in the middle of a huge thunderstorm, and under a Tornado Warning. Everyone was home and we cautiously began watching the skies, following the emergency notification on our phones.

We could see the skies were not the typical thunderstorm look. Jay began teaching the kids right away about what to look for in the clouds with tornadoes. It was nearing the end of nap time, but Asher and Isaiah were still asleep. I kept watching to see how quickly the storm was approaching us from the north, debating if I should wake the boys. I got Asher first and gave him some snuggles. Then realized I didn't have much time before our skies would be black, so I also woke Isaiah and gave him his bottle.

Jay then noticed to the south of us, as it seemed there were two cells merging from the south and north, that a tornado was about to form. He called out, "Do you want to see a tornado?" Most of us came quickly out, except for poor Lenea who then began to cry in panic, wanting nothing to do with tornadoes. We did almost see a tornado form, but it subsided. However, we did learn that in that same area there was a tornado, so likely just a few minutes later. I urged everyone to head inside and downstairs.

Within in a few minutes of getting to the basement the hail began. We could hear wind whipping around, hail pounding the house and thunder around us. Lenea kept crying, she was very scared, poor thing. I remember feeling that way when I was her age, and where I grew up we didn't have storms even close to this level of noise. So we began praying out loud and I reassured her that God was in control of the storm, holding it in the palm of His hand. I reminded her that we could trust Him. 

After about 20 minutes of hail pelting the house, Jay went to the bathroom and came back a few minutes later telling us that water was in the guest bedroom window well, coming into the house and he needed to get the shop vac. (We had a small one he had just borrowed from his work. ) The kids all went to look and we soon noticed it was also coming into the girls room and our school room. The window in the guest room had it the most. 

The kids had recently been playing by that area outside, digging up the dirt. The drain pipe from the gutter also was located right there. With the combination of huge amounts of hail melting from the roof, coming into the window well and not so well packed dirt, it looked like a fish bowl in the window. Unfortunately, it was coming in fast!

Jay used the shop vac for about 10 minutes when it stop working. He decided he would need to go run to the store to buy a new one. At that time the hail had stopped, although it was still raining. Half of the children went outside and began bucketing the water out of the window and shoveling away the melting hail near it. They used buckets to catch the water from the gutter drain and dumped it else where. A couple of other children went from room to room catching the water they could with buckets and garbage cans. We had every towel in the house attempting to soak it up, that lasted about 5 minutes and only caused a  bunch of laundry. 

I kept the littles out of the way and occupied. It was quite an adventure. Everyone worked hard and diligently as a team, which made this Mama proud.

In the end, we will need a new roof, fixed fence, likely some new paint (which we were just about to paint ourselves..so glad that didn't happen yet), and some new gutters. Some of our trees might die, especially our baby plum trees.  Our van has $4500 worth of damage. Thankfully, I had Jay put his car in the garage right before the storm hit. Makenna's car has some damage, but we likely will not pay the deductible to get it fixed. We also need a new carpet pad for the guest room. We "think" we saved the carpet.

Lessons I learned from this storm:

God is bigger than anything. I recalled the days of being Lenea's age and crying with fear from thunder. It just seemed too big for my mind to grasp and it WAS bigger and stronger than me. This storm, I realized that even with a potential tornado by our house and damage being done to our house by the weather, I had no fear. My physical body was a bit under stress, but not badly. I felt peace in the storm that was abundant. It was only God and He was in control.

We prayed that our house would not get torn down by a tornado (Lenea's words). But we forgot to pray that it would not get water damage. Unfortunately, typical home owners insurance does not cover this type of basement damage due to melting hail and rain coming into the window wells. We do not live in a flood zone to did not have an extra flood policy. Once the water hits the ground, it is considered "flood". If it would have come in due to the hail breaking a window it would have been covered. So we should have prayed for no water entering our house. 

Even in the midst of the chaos, my husband and children were amazing!! I see so much growth in our family the last couple of years. Even with the sibling bickering and complaining that goes on, some times day to day, when there is a need they are a team. I have always taught my children that they should be each other's best friends. I know that truth be told, they are the longest relationship that will exist in each of their lives. Think about it, they were babies together and will maybe live 80 years.. That is 70-80 years of a potential friendship. If they don't realize that while they are growing up they will be missing out in a huge blessing that the Lord designed. He put them together in a family.

I did not worry or have anxiety when I saw the damage that was happening to our house. I know it will cost thousands of dollars to fix. Thankfully, insurance will pay the bulk of it. But it will be a hassle and a lot of work. However, I am okay with it all. If God took it all away, I need to be okay with that too. 

Thank you Lord, for the wonderful lessons you taught me.

 All of our yard looked like this, with a few spots of 12 inch mounds. It looked like snow. We saw some areas the next morning that still had ice that had not melted, so obviously got a LOT more than we did even.

 This was about the size of our biggest hail pieces found. However, there were reports of baseball size hail south of us a few miles breaking windows.

 Moriah and Toby working at soaking up the water coming in. Unfortunately, that bench under the window was filled with some of our favorite curriculum sets. As soon as we saw the water coming in I had 3 kids in there helping me pull it out as quickly as we could. Thus all the books on the table. I realize a few days after the storm that another important thing that was on the bench was a file folder that was holding adoption paperwork from Ellie and Isaiah, from China. Several documents were wet, they are drying out now in attempt to save them. 

 A lot of our plants were shredded. 

Here is the guest room window well. It would have easily filled to the top if everyone hadn't have worked hard and fast to keep it from all coming in. It looks like we should get some fish!

Isaiah's Catheterization and Next Steps for His Heart

Last Thursday June 11th, we left our house before the sun was up and drove the 90 minutes to our Children's Hospital. It was Jay, Eliza, Ellie, Isaiah and me. We took two cars knowing that Isaiah would likely stay the night (which he did).

After we checked in with insurance and wrist bands, we went upstairs and nobody was at the desk for the Heart Center. We were told to go to the intercom to ask for entrance into the pre-op room. Uh...where was that? Thankfully, after walking around a few minutes we found someone else going in there and we walked in and said "not sure if we are in the right place?"...they already knew who we were, didn't even ask our name and just took us to his room.

I had written up a Care Plan for doctors and nurses to read and follow for Isaiah, knowing that medical anything was traumatic to him and attempting to be his "voice". The nurse right off the get go said she had read it and would give him as much space as needed. I think she did pretty well, until following the cath when he was waking up and I had explicitly said that I was to only feed him..she gave him a bottle.. but I politely took it out of her hand and that didn't happen again.

All the doctors and nurses came into to examine him, which I think was the worst part. It is a training hospital so it was at least 5 people who did this, which I feel was not necessary and may push for that not to happen next time. By the 4th person he was in tears. I don't think the Fellow AND Nurse Practitioner need to listen to his heart, when the Anesthesiologist, Nurse and Cardiologist all MUST.

They took him back to the cath lab, Jay got to carry him until he was asleep. They were very good at updating us every hour, very promptly too. The first hour we were told took all that time just to get the IV in and into the arteries. They said his veins were very "spidery" and that is normal with heart kids. Poor guy had 9 attempts on the left side.

 The 3rd hour we were told they were ballooning the left pulmonary artery, not once but twice to see what they could do. Then just 30 minutes later they said they finished up. I had a gut feeling that they weren't able to complete the procedure since it ended so quickly, but hoped I was wrong. The doctor soon came out with many pictures and explanations. He explained each photo step by step and answered our questions as we went along.

The first major issue we saw was the size of his right chamber. It is approximately 4 times larger than it should be, which seems to be a secondary issue due to 2 other major problems...the pulmonary valve leakage (from his original birth defect of Tetraology of Fallot) and a very narrow left pulmonary artery. It was less than 1 mm wide when it's counter part is 8 mm wide, to give you an idea of what it should be. 

Back to the hypertension on the right chamber: It is so large that the "pump" is not pumping well at all. The doctor called it stiff and sloshy. They put die into the heart with the procedure and you can see on the photo that it just pooled into the bottom, as the heart could barely pump it out. 

The valve that takes the blood out of the right chamber has already been "repaired" in China. I say this as it really can't be repaired, it needs to be replaced. But the doctors have figured out a way to make the heart work, it seems, without replacing it, until the child is much older, finished growing and can have a valve replacement. This is what we originally thought his condition would be like. All of that should be successful in Tetralogy children, but only when the other aspects of the heart are doing well. Isaiah has a very narrow pulmonary artery going to the left lung. Like I said before, it was less than 1 mm when it needed to be close to 8. So they ballooned it up to 4 mm and had originally planned to put a stent into that artery to get the blood flowing to both lungs and take some pressure off that right chamber. Upon going in there and seeing how sick his little heart was and just not functioning properly at all, they realized it was not just an easy fix. In fact, the doctor said it was heart failure. Huh...Did I just hear that? Yep, "heart Failure!".. What that means is that simply his heart is not pumping like it should and it is in a dangerous situation. So there was no stent put in, there was a small biggering of the artery..it was up to 2 mm after the procedure. 

So now I know why my instinct kept telling me, even from our first nights with him when he was breathing heavily, coughing, whining and restless, that it really was due to his heart. I didn't listen at first, just "thinking" it was adjustment, grieving, fears etc. But as time went on, I did start to ask the doctors about it. I was told by our pediatrician and cardiologist that it was not because of his heart. I trust our doctors and have a wonderful relationship with our ped. But they were both wrong. I have a good friend who let us borrow her son's pulseox for a couple of days. That is when I monitored his sleep, because of a very minor cold was putting him into screaming a lot through out the night and he just hadn't done that before. I really felt the nudging that it was more serious than just fears or grief. His O2 levels dipped down into the 70s and mostly hung out at low 80 and 81. So now, the doctors agreed he needs to be on O2 at night and as tolerated during the day. 

So as far as we know now we have two options:

They can go back in through the cath and do what they originally planned, putting in a stent. Or they go straight to open heart surgery and replace the pulmonary valve so it works properly, not leaking, which in theory should make the blood flow more easily out of the chamber and into both arteries, even forcing the small one to open up more and in the end taking the stress off the heart and not causing hyper tension on that right chamber. There are risks with both, probably the valve being the most risky. If his heart wasn't so large with little proper function on that right side, it would be an easier surgery. But that raises the risks greatly. Once he has the new valve, it will need to be replaced as he grows. For that we are not sure how often either. But from what I understood, if they choose to do the balloon and stent, it very well might close off, stunting the growth of the artery altogether or it might not take the pressure off the right chamber and he will end up with surgery replacing the valve anyway. 

We needs lots of wisdom as to what God wants us to do. We might seek a second opinion. We are "supposed" to hear something next week. The cardiologist has been great about answering my emails. He just said this week he was talking to several people about what is best for Isaiah. But it sounded as if he was thinking the replacing of the valve needed to be soon and was our only option.

Last week I had some mother fears. I am processing them with the Lord's help and prayers of others. I don't want our little, precious boy to go through this anymore!! I know God has called us to this and called us to walk alongside him as he faces this challenge. Many times as a parent we forget it is our children who are the ones who are really brave and have the courage. They are the ones walking through their tragedy. This little boy, abandoned at 6 months of age, has been through so much in his short life already. I don't want to figure out God's reasoning, I just know I trust His sovereignty. Who am I to complain in my heart at all that I am walking this path?. No, I am thankful today for each breath he has and heart beat his heart makes. I am realizing more today that life is a gift and we should treasure it all the more. If the Lord allows us the privilege of walking along this journey with our new son,  into the world of multiple open heart surgeries, daily oxygen, etc..so be it. I am so ever thankful that I get to be mother holding his hand, wiping his tears and teaching him to seek the Lord through it all.

 Pre-cath...just waiting and getting examined...again and again and again...

 Not the greatest picture quality, but here is my corny husband all geared up to take Isaiah back to the cath lab. Isaiah was given Versed at this time to help him relax. And he was laughing at his Daddy quite a bit.

 Ellie being treated like Royalty and practicing her little wave from the wagon rides with Daddy, while we waited the 3 1/2 hours for Isaiah to be done.

 Isaiah upon waking up for the cath..He had to lay flat for 4 hours.. he drank 2 bottles of water and one bottle of apple juice. Poor guy was so thirsty, but we were being careful for him not to throw it up.

 Sweet Isaiah today, with smiles even wearing his O2. He knows it makes him feel better.

I Refuse: (added onto last post)

After writing my last post this morning I had to go on an errand and on the way home I heard this song which said perfectly to what I am feeling for my own heart, my children, the church.

Here is the lyrics and here is the song if you would like to hear it.

I Refuse by Josh Wilson

Sometimes I
I just want to close my eyes
And act like everyone's alright
When I know they're not

This world needs God
But it's easier to stand and watch
I could say a prayer and just move on
Like nothing's wrong

But I refuse
'Cause I don't want to live like I don't care
I don't want to say another empty prayer
Oh, I refuse

To sit around and wait for someone else
To do what God has called me to do myself
Oh, I could choose
Not to move but I refuse

I can hear the least of these
Crying out so desperately
And I know we are the hands and feet
Of You, oh God

So, if You say move
It's time for me to follow through
And do what I was made to do
Show them who You are

'Cause I don't want to live like I don't care
I don't want to say another empty prayer
Oh, I refuse

To sit around and wait for someone else
To do what God has called me to do myself
Oh, I could choose
Not to move but I refuse

To stand and watch the weary and lost
Cry out for help
I refuse to turn my back
And try and act like all is well

I refuse to stay unchanged
To wait another day, to die to myself
I refuse to make one more excuse

'Cause I don't want to live like I don't care
I don't want to say another empty prayer
Oh, I refuse

To sit around and wait for someone else
To do what God has called me to do myself
Oh, I could choose
Not to move but I refuse

I refuse
I refuse
 

When We Give To The Least of These

I LOVE this song by Audio Adrenaline. 

Is it possible to  be a Christian, a Christ follower, a Believer, a friend and disciple to Jesus, one who should have a heart after our Abba Father and still walk away from the needs of these innocent, precious children? Can we claim we don't have any money, time or ability to help them when we have Christ living in us, who gave us E-V-E-R-Y-T-H-I-N-G!!!!! 

I mean every little crumb of food we eat, every little breath we take, every single night we get to sleep in a warm, safe, comfortable bed and every day we live (oh what a gift they are). And then to top it all off, He sent HIS one, only, perfect, Son, the King of all Kings to DIE for us, for me and raise from the dead so we can conquer death, sin and live for eternity with our merciful, gracious, loving Father.

I have been reading that most churches in America don't even have an orphan or adoption ministry. However, they find many ways to make their church more comfortable and fancy with coffee shops and more. (I am not saying I am against comfortable and coffee shops either, just making an analogy.)

There are millions and millions of children around the world and here in the US who need a family. If every Christian family would help just one child there would be no more orphans. I can't fathom that, but I know we have a Father God who does want to see that happen and He will make a way. There are families being awakened to that need, but they don't have a lot of support. Adoption is a long, tiring, expensive, emotional, frustrating and lonely journey. And because it IS God's heart the attacks from the enemy are strong. But the church's love, prayer, support and encouragement will help all of that to be none or in the least strong against the attacks.

Come alongside your adopting friends. Pray for them faithfully, encourage them, love their children even the ones not adopted, babysit for them, take them a meal before and after the adoption, just be a listening ear and show them Jesus' love for the "least" of these.

If you truly have examined your lives and hearts and believe you just have nothing else to give of your God-given resources then pray some more for Him to show you how. What can you give to the "least" of these? Will you minister to the families choosing to adopt? Will you go to the mission field and serve them face to face? Will you adopt yourself?

Don't be known as the "Lukewarm" church like in Revelation 3:14-22: ¹⁵ “I know your works, that you are neither cold nor hot. I could wish you were cold or hot. ¹⁶ So then, because you are lukewarm, and neither cold nor hot, I will vomit you out of My mouth."

Here is a side note. I got a precious few photos today from a mom who just adopted her 2 year old from the same orphanage as Elliana is at. Here are a couple of her cuteness. 

Oh, these last few months are getting harder and harder. She looks like she needs to smile and be loved. How did "I" become the one that God chose to love these beautiful children? Thank you Lord of Heaven for your amazing, love for me to allow me this opportunity to love the "least" of these. 
  
Please pray our Letter of Acceptance (LOA) will come by the end of next week from China. That will keep us right on track to travel the last week of May to get her and Isaiah. Please also pray for our finances. We have received a few donations which we are ever so grateful, but we don't want to ask our friends for anymore. We know everyone has commitments and struggles like all of us. We are looking at a grant that we know 2 families personally received, but we don't think we will qualify for various reasons, but we are going to try and apply anyway. We do think we can save the majority of what we need by end of summer, but we want to travel in May not August. We are looking at refinancing our house which will give us a little bit too. However, our tax refund was only 20% what I thought it would be and then we owe state a pretty large sum of money too. I am asking that God would provide in only a miraculous way that is obviously Him.

Compassion

On the side of my blog you will find a link to Compassion International. I know it is quite possible that most of you have heard of it before and are maybe sponsoring a child through the organization. However, this time last year I had never heard of them so I am excited to tell everyone about it.

There are thousands of children all over the world, of all ages waiting for sponsorship. With your monthly sponsorship you provide:

• Food and clean water
• Medical care
• Educational opportunities
• Important life-skills training
• Most important of all, your sponsored child will hear about Jesus Christ and be encouraged to develop a lifelong relationship with God.

At this time our family is sponsoring 5 children through Compassion. This includes one that my girls are paying for all by themselves. I am so proud of the way they love Jesus so much that they give up their hard earned money (which they don't have much, only side jobs for neighbors and friends and birthday money) to provide hope and help to another child. They already want to sponsor a 2nd child, but I have encouraged them to wait until they have a more steady income.

The part we love so much about this program is that we get to write to the child through an online system that includes us sending photos. And we can write as often as we like, in fact they encourage you to write often. All of our children have hand written (with translation) a letter back to us at least once. 

These children live in very impoverished situations, nothing like we would ever have in the US, even our poorest would be in luxury. The children have daily opportunities to go to the local Compassion Center (maybe a local church or just a building) as often as they like. There they get all the things described earlier and just as importantly they have others pouring into them a love that gives the children hope. 

I have had the privilege of meeting 2 adults that used to be children sponsored through Compassion. Their testimonies are inspiring and convicting. Can you imagine the harshness of having to take care of your younger siblings at the age of 6 because your father has abandoned you and your mother must work hard all day to make a few cents a day in order to feed you? This is just a small glimpse of what these children might be dealing with, actually it is often quite worse and they often alone.

The wonderful thing in my opinion is that I believe each one of us could afford to sponsor at least one child. It only costs $38 a month! That is just a little more than a dollar day or the same cost as 9 Starbucks drinks or one hair cut at the beauty salon for a woman. 

I just wanted to encourage all of you reading to genuinely look at where your heart is. 
Luke 16:13 
"No servant can serve two masters. Either he will hate the one and love the other, or he will be devoted to the one and despise the other. You cannot serve both God and Money."

Think of the compassion and important character you will be sowing into your children with a program like this? What we sow is what we will reap. If we sow a love of money and not God, we should not be surprised when our children grow up greedy and selfish. We should not be surprised if they grow up ignoring God, because they will have to give up the comforts of the world and they are too attached.

Check out Compassion. One fun thing we did for several of our kids is to find a child that had either the same birthday (2 of them do) and in the least same age (all the rest do). This way our children are very certain to remember that child more and to think how fortunate they are for all they have, compared to their sponsored child. 

I know there are other sponsorship  programs out there, World Vision for one. I have not personally experienced their program, but have spoken with at least 2 people that did not think it was as a direct commitment to the individual child and were disappointed in the communication aspect with the agency. Again, I don't know but do your research.

Let me know if you sponsor a child or already do. I would love to hear from you.

What DO You Want for Christmas? Part 2

I would pray that first and foremost, we all would want Jesus fully living in us. I invite Him to do that, because I deserve nothing. I only want Him, my Creator, my Savior, my Hope, my Redeemer, my Lover, my Healer, my Comforter, my Father God...He deserves all of me, so "Here I Am, Lord!"..


My second desire is that all the fatherless, precious, innocent children around our world would have a family, a real family to give them all the security, love, and blessings a family is meant to give them. I am not for everyone or just anyone to adopt. I believe God has called Christians to adopt. However, I do realize that non-Christians do a wonderful job at adoption and parenting, but I am not speaking to that group of people. So if you are not a Christian, please know I am not judging you and I am not even addressing you. I respect you for loving those orphans too and giving them a home.

I don't think every "Christian" is prepared and/or willing to adopt a child or become a parent. From my personal experience, I know without a doubt that God Can and Will prepare you as a Christian parent to adopt a child or parent any child, for that matter, IF you are willing to let Him guide and lead you. If you are willing to die to your fleshly ways of being a parent. I know His Word is true and He does not lie. And he commands us to take care of orphans and sees that is a pure religion:

James 1:27 "Pure and genuine religion in the sight of God the Father means caring for orphans and widows in their distress and refusing to let the world corrupt you."

So, anything from that scripture may not mean specifically for each of us to adopt an orphan. However, it just might mean that too. And with over 150 million orphans in our world, how can we just ignore their "distress"? I realize this scripture is also referring to widows and we do need to help that widow who is taking care of the fatherless children. They go hand in hand. So our prayers should not just be, (which is what mine used to be), "Father, I pray for the needs of these widows, these fatherless children, and the ones who have no parents at all. I ask You to take care of them and provide for their needs." etc.. etc...etc...

Of course, He will take care of the "fatherless", but He tells us us to be His hands and His feet. There are scriptures, looking at the Bible as a whole that tells us more:

Proverbs 31:8-9 "Speak up for those who cannot speak for themselves; ensure justice for those being crushed."

Matthew 18:5 "And anyone who welcomes a little child like this on my behalf is welcoming me."

Psalms 82:3-4 "Defend the cause of the weak and fatherless; maintain the rights of the poor and oppressed. Rescue the weak and needy; deliver them from the hand of the wicked."

With that in our minds, shouldn't our prayers be more along the lines of, "Father, I know your heart, I know there is a real need, I can't ignore. What do you want Me to do about it? How are you wanting Me to speak up, ensure justice, defend the cause, maintain the rights, rescue the weak, deliver, and welcome them? I am yours to do with however you desire."

This prayer is different as we are telling God that we are willing to be the ones to sacrifice our comforts, securities, finances, etc. in order to follow His commands and be His heart. We aren't just asking God for Him to do it or someone else on His behalf.

Here are some real needs around our world, all about children, orphans:

In many European countries: Bulgaria and Ukraine are two of them, they are so poor that they make only a few dollars a day. Therefore the abandoned and orphaned children, especially the ones with "Special Needs" (Down's Syndrome, Neurological Conditions, deafness, blindness etc) are put in "Baby Houses" until they reach a certain age (often age 5 or so) and then they are "Transferred" where they will be put into a mental institution. Sometimes the  care in those mental institutions are worse than most pets receive in American homes. 

It is not always because the workers do not love and care for the children within their hearts,But rather because they live in such a desperate, poor state that they just manage as they are able. The children are starving, humiliated by often laying in fetal positions naked in their own waste, and neglected because there isn't enough help.This is NOT something we should be ignorant to any longer. It is not something we should turn a blind eye to. This IS what God means by the weak, helpless, fatherless voiceless children.



 



I have been reading blogs of many families lately on adoption. And there are families that are being awakened and stirred to adopt some of these dear children. When you read the testimonies of the ones already adopted it is a miracle. God will bring these children to light out of darkness and despair. He will heal them, but again He is needing us to make the difference in the lives of voiceless children.

For my Christmas, I want more of these sweet children adopted. I want them out of those filthy, lonely and disgusting circumstances. Please pray that God would show you how you are to respond to these sort of issues. Again, I know not all can adopt for various reasons. I do know we can NOT just sit and say we are praying for them and leave it at that. We must be broken for them.

Here is a website, called Reeces Rainbow that has some resources if you are interested in finding out more and how to help these little ones. It also has a listing of all the Waiting Children that could very well die if they are not chosen some day by a family. Please pray for Christmas Miracles for the least of these.

What Do YOU Want for Christmas? Part 1

Just a warning this is a bit long, but I have had a lot on my heart about this lately. Thank you for reading.

Christmas is about gifts..It is about miracles...James 1:17 "Every good and perfect gift is from above, coming down from the Father of the heavenly lights, who does not change like shifting shadows."

It is about God coming to earth as a man to save his people from the punishment of sin (Death!) and have Victory over that SIN! He is the King.. He is the that "Perfect Gift"..Perfect meaning "wanting nothing  necessary to completeness".. Jesus was a complete package. A little baby wrapped in swaddling clothes, manifesting full Grace and God's glory. As he grew in "wisdom and stature",  and then he faced temptation Hebrews 4:15, "For we do not have a high priest who is unable to sympathize with our weaknesses, but we have one who has been tempted in every way, just as we are--yet was without sin."; and he willingly took our curse and punishment to die upon a cross.

Not just anyone could take our punishment, it had to be a spotless lamb, without sin. As God can not be pleased with sin or see us Holy because of even just one little bad thought or deed. We can not have just one little hint of rebellion against Him.

So after deeply considering what Jesus Christ gave to us on Christmas day and ultimately the Resurrection day, what do we Really want for Christmas? Do we really even need any material things? Sure, I could use a new coat. Mine is getting a few holes and isn't as practical as I would like. But it still looks nice for the most part and more importantly keeps me warm. I could also say I "need" some new clothing. I have gained the weight I lost back, since last summer, and only have 4 or 5 outfits that fit me well and nicely. (I am starting a diet again after Asher's surgery btw.) I think we also "need" some new shocks for our van (whatever that is exactly?). I am down to a broken food chopper (I love my food chopper) but we are making due with the broken one still and today part of my Bosch broke (which I use a LOT). My list could go on. The things I like are practical things usually for Christmas. Sometimes we will buy just fun gifts for each other, but in my mind those are usually not something that edifies the children (and myself) to being appreciative of ALL we do have.

Today my sweet children are in cleaning and helpful mode. Makenna is home for several weeks from school! And Makenna and Eliza (is turning into one too), are my cleaners and organizers. Girls after my own heart. I just don't usually have the time like I used to, or maybe it isn't as much a priority on some levels. I am not as a perfectionist as I used to be. It really is okay if the towels aren't folded like I used to require, as long as they are put away, off the couch!  So we baked bread already, baked some cookies for neighbors last night and will do more baking later. Makenna is cleaning out our pantry and Eliza is cleaning the boys' room. I am doing laundry, including sheets. Jacob is trying to finish the other half of his math so he will be able to take a holiday break without thinking about that. Toby and Moriah, after doing chores, are in Lego model building play. They are making a Mini Lego-land for us to come visit on Christmas Eve. Lenea and Asher are "helping" some of us organize and Lenea is teaching Asher worship dance moves in her bedroom. He just loves his "Nea", following her around like a puppy. Today she appreciates it and he doesn't mind her bossing him either. It is a sweet friendship. We have Steven Curtis Chapman Christmas CD playing in the back ground, tree lights are on (even during the daylight), our house is warm and cozy. My wonderful, loving, hard-working husband is at his newish job, who appreciate his work ethic and let him go in 3 hours late today for Christmas, he has a work Christmas party to go to at the end of today. Then he will be off for 4 days!
We have had some respiratory sickness again the last 2 weeks, with 2 children having Reactive Airway Disease and needing nebulizers now. But we have double insurance and we have had to pay 0 out of pocket besides our monthly dues. Our blessings and material things are abundant. God is so gracious to us and we deserve NONE of it. We deserve not one iota.

So this year, trying to keep Christmas a little simpler and start some new traditions, we are having the kids do a gift exchange by drawing names. We are doing Christmas stockings (which we haven't done in years) and we are doing a White Elephant gift exchange. It should be fun and a lot cheaper too.

But.. I am thinking about all the needs around us, about our little ones in China without a Mama and Daddy, just yet. I am thankful that next Christmas they will be with us, as my pangs of sadness realize it is still a half a year away until we can be with them and give them a family. But at least they have been chosen.. What about the millions and millions of children that haven't been chosen, and will have an emptiness in their hearts for a family, even if they are too young or immature to articulate it? God says the lonely are to be in families, He puts them there. But what if Christians ignore His command? What if Christians don't give up some of their ridiculous material wealth and their time to help some of these children; really be obedient to help, not just pray about it? What about the millions and millions without a full tummy and clean water, or a bed to sleep on? What about the millions who eat out of garbage cans? There really are, children who have to sneak scraps out of garbage cans to eat. Can you imagine? Can you think about how broken they are, with NO hope at all? What if that was your child? Well, we need to remember they are God's children and we ARE HIS ambassadors. We are His hands and feet on this earth. We have a purpose for this life in a foreign land. This is not our home. 

I have so much compassion for the young and vulnerable. They have no voice in this world (Satan knows that very well), many times no education to help themselves and lots of times no health or strength to do anything anyway. I care about adults that need help too, however they can get themselves help and they can make choices that young children can NOT! I believe that is why God has reminded us in scriptures to take care of the fatherless and widows. Widows are usually the ones that are either still with the young children at home and they are trying to make it to take care of them, OR they are the very old, in that day in age were seen as outcasts.

This Christmas, this coming New Year, 2013, yes we are well into this millennium (remember when it was just the year 2000?), we MUST as Christians look at our lives, our hearts. What are we idolizing? What are we teaching our children to put their time, energy and money into? Is it material things, a great education, personal looks, fame, a great job, or will it be compassion for the young and vulnerable, hearts for the lost souls who will go to hell, a desire to know and love God will all they are and surrender their lives to Him alone, to serve Him? 

Matthew 6:19" Do not store up for yourselves treasures on earth, where moth and rust destroy, and where thieves break in and steal."

Matthew 6:20"But store up for yourselves treasures in heaven, where moth and rust do not destroy, and where thieves do not break in and steal."

I am not against material things or Christmas gifts. We have much of it. I am though, being taught recently that those things don't  matter. They don't raise Christians and they don't help us look to God more. He wants all of our hearts, not our wealth and fame. And the reality is that all we are given, 100% of our wealth, health and happiness is from HIM! Why then do we whine about not having enough, and sound like spoiled children on Christmas who are mad they didn't get what they wanted or be willing to share the beloved toy they did get?  I get this way in my heart sometimes, my children get this way too. We are working on it, we are praying for this legacy in our family to be different.

A side note that today was a very challenging day for me. After I had written most of this post, but not ready to post I was bombarded with silly attacks from the enemy. I was determined to not get off path today and let that frustrate me and take it out on my children and praise God through it all. It began with my anticipation that our I797 would be delivered to Lifeline by 10:30 and that we would be DTC this afternoon. (My post yesterday explains all that scenario.) However, I checked the tracking # at 9:00 (agency is an hour ahead of us), and no delivery. Again at 10:00 was no delivery. 10:30, no delivery and word that it was delayed.. Agh.. What, if it doesn't get to agency today then it would not be DTC until next Thursday. So I got on the phone with FedEx, that was difficult to get a person. They were having phone line troubles and I ended up calling a totally different Fed Ex #, explained the situation, thankfully who was very helpful and transferred me to Customer Service. Indeed, they looked up our Tracking # to say it was delayed due to a big storm in the Midwest, even though the states we were shipping in were not affected, it had delayed deliveries. I had them call the destination and indeed they did not have our package (it was almost noon there by now) and they would not be able to deliver until tomorrow! Oh, the frustration built up inside of me, I wanted to burst into tears. I asked about a refund how that worked, but she said we would have to take that up after delivery was complete. 

After I hung up the phone I prayed to the Lord that I didn't want to let this ruin my day and to trust Him alone. I called our agency and explained the situation. Logan was very kind and sorry for our situation. She said if she wasn't going out of town, she would come get it tomorrow and deliver it then, but she would be gone until Thursday morning and the office would be closed. It was out of my hands. I tried my best to let it go.

Then I went back to baking cookies for our neighbors, which has been a family tradition for about 9 years now. We attempted 3 batches of peanut brittle, which all failed. I even burned my finger on the last one. Then we made cookies, that ended up being pretty tasty, but a bit crumbly and they broke my mixer attachment, which isn't cheap to replace. Later, I had a flour spill on the pantry that my daughter just cleaned. My children were very gracious to me, helping bake and clean up and watching movies with the younger ones, as it seemed I was having one tiny problem after another. I don't like to have many days like this. It keeps me away from my children and doing motherly things. But some days they just happen. I am always evaluating and changing what is important there. But today I was deep in way to getting ready for Christmas so I just kept praying and telling God these babies in China were His children and I trusted Him no matter what. Makenna even had me leap for joy, which actually felt good.

After the leaping, I went to check the situation on the tracking # again. It had changed slightly and stated it was at the destination warehouse, but was not in transit. I got a little hopeful, and contacted Lifeline asking if it was even feasible for them to pick it up if it was there? She said they would have to pick it up next week anyway and that IF it was at the location they could run and get it. Now we were trying to beat the clock because DHL would pick up in less than 2 hours. She tried to call FedEx and couldn't get through (remember phone troubles). So she called me back to tell me she didn't know what to do, so I got on the phone. Again it took 20 minutes to get a helpful person, but indeed they did get through to the station that it was at and it was ready for pick up. Logan needed to be the one pick up because we put her as the "Attention", I was worried she wouldn't be able to as she said she would send "someone" to get it. But when I called her back I got her voice mail now. It was almost down to an hour for DHL pick up time. I sent her an email and within minutes she said she would go get it. 

AND...she got it and sent it with DHL in time. I think with 15 minutes to spare. God is so amazing. Even in these little things, which sometimes feel so big, He shows Himself at work. He does want our 2 babies home. He does control the little packages that come to be delivered. When I called about an hour before they said it was not at the station and it would be too late, but He proved them wrong. He gave us a gracious, wonderful Social Worker with our agency who went out of her way to help us. He is so good. And as of this afternoon we officially DTC...

Another interesting thing, is my husband had a FedEx package to pick up for his work today as well and it too was not there, delayed. The service worker told him that 80% of FedEx deliveries that were due today would not get delivered until tomorrow and he that it was weird ours got there like it did. But, you see, WE know it was not anything just weird, it was our GOD!

So in the end of my day, I have had a couple more minor struggles, but God has kept my eyes on Him. I didn't even make time read the Word today and He still works in my heart and gives me His Grace. I am so thankful. What do YOU want for Christmas? I want what God wants. I want families for the children all around the world, that if every Christian adopted just one, there would be no more orphans. I want my children to serve and love him with every ounce of who He created them to be, even if that means not being near me and living in the heart of Africa. I want to be a woman after His heart, who trusts Him in every situation knowing He is there and working out every little detail, even though I want to control it myself. 

Next post, I want to share some stories of real children who need families. Don't let your life be void of surrendering it all the Jesus. He wants to use you and me. He wants our hearts to be like His. And He has a desire to get orphans out of their dark hopeless state and show them His light.

Worship and Consecration

We had an especially worshipful weekend. Eliza, Moriah and Lenea, 3 of our girls, have been taking worship dance and ballet this last semester. It is a wonderful dance school, that we had been a part of years ago for about 5 years. But due to the drive (it takes us about 40 min one way) and the busyness in our lives we had to stop for a time. However, Lenea has been begging me to take dance and I knew Eliza loved it when she took classes before, so we made the weekly sacrifice of driving and spending 4 hours while they each took their lessons every Friday. We plan to do it again this next semester and I hope it works out for the next year. I do know that with Elliana and Isaiah, it might be too hard to manage for some time, so we will see.

This last Friday was the Worship performance. It is always a huge blessing, and a time of sharing testimonies and giving God all the glory. I think I have watched about 8 of these performances and each time I am moved to tears of joy for God's glory. It really is an amazing time.

Here are some of my beautiful daughters worshiping Jesus.

 This was Dress Rehearsal and Lenea is our 4 year old, 2nd from the left.

 This was the actual performance and Lenea is the 3rd from the left. This group was so, so cute.There song was "God Is Good" by Marantha.

Here she is with the red rose her Daddy gave her. She was so excited to be a "real" dancer tonight and not just playing at home.

 Again, dress rehearsal for our 9 year old, Moriah. She is the left in the maroon skirt.

 Moriah, waiting for her turn to go at the performance with her other dancemates.
She is in the middle with the maroon skirt.

 Here they are worshiping to a full house, Moriah is the middle girl, standing a bit forward. Their song was, "So Good To Me", by Shout to the Lord Kids.

 Eliza, our 14 year old, she is doing her dress rehearsal here. She is the brunette in the front with hands stretched out.

 Here is the performance and Eliza is 3rd from the left. This group was large, with 15 girls and their dance was to "Never Underestimate My Jesus", by Relient K.

After LOTS of shopping yesterday grocery and Christmas, we had my mom over for her birthday dinner. Then today at church we had s special service dedicated to children and families. Our church is fairly young and evolving so they had never had a "dedication" of sorts for children. Today we got "caught" up. It will become a more regular event now, but today we had 17 families consecrating a total of 40 children to the Lord. Some of the children are in the home, some in the womb, some in other countries waiting to come home by adoption and some haven't even been revealed yet (families that are starting the adoption process but don't know whom their child will be).

It was a precious time. Our pastor gave a sermon on children and then the Consecration Service began.

We dedicated Lenea and Asher, whom we have not done publicly before now. And we also dedicated Elliana and Isaiah, even though they are yet to legally become our children and are still in China, we want to make known we think of them as our children today and promise to raise them in the admonition of the Lord, for His service and kingdom.

Here we are, with Elliana in the background while we Consecrate her to the Lord.

Lenea

Lenea's name is a version of a family name.. April and her mother both have the middle name "Lenee" (pronounced like Renee with a L beginning) which was derived from April's French Great-Great Grandmother with the last name Mar-Lenee. The meaning of  Lenee is "Light" or "beautiful Light"

Her defining attribute is: Prayerful Advocate
  
Her defining purpose: Lenea's defining purpose to be a light for the weak and helpless . 

Asher

Asher's name means joyful, happy. 

His defining attribute is: Joyful Strength

His defining purpose: Asher's defining purpose it to count it all Joy in the Strength the Lord has given him and be strength for the hopeless.


Elliana


Elliana's name means "God has answered".


Her defining purpose: Elliana's defining purpose is to Be God's Voice for the needy.


Isaiah

Isaiah's name means "God is salvation".

His defining purpose: Isaiah's defining purpose is to share the Good News of God's salvation.