Happy "Gotcha" Day and My "High Calling"

Two years ago today, with much excitement and trepidation I walked off an elevator to a Chinese Civil Affairs office to meet our new little son. Asher has been a joy from the first day we met him. We had some hard moments, hours, and nights those first weeks. However, it seemed all my prayers were answered as he was meant to be a part of our family and he quickly attached and loved being a part of our lives. He has grown so much the last 2 years. He was a "baby" at almost 2 years old then and today he is a preschooler who is learning so much. He is strong, active, silly, smart, and most of the time "happy" (just like the meaning of his name, it really has been a perfect fit for him). 

I remember feeling so scared that day, thinking if he would come to love me as his Mommy. He had been in a relationship with many women in his life (his "China" Mom, nannies, foster Mom) and I wasn't sure if any of that was positive and loving for him, surely much of it was confusing and painful for him. I have not been a perfect Mommy by all means. Sometimes I am impatient, sometimes I don't understand his needs nor can meet them, and sometimes I am distracted with my own busyness. I desire to be all I can be for him and all of my children. God has given me so much to devote my life to. I am so thankful that in spite of myself, Asher has come to see me as "Mommy" and I pray all the time he never forgets. I tell him every day how much I love him and that I will always be his Mommy.

 Here is sweet Asher just the night before we left China in November 2011. Look at his cuteness..

 Here is most of our family in March 2013 when we "re-adopted" him, standing in front of the court house. 

 And here he picked a "flower" for Mommy this last summer. Still the same preciousness, but even a bigger joyful heart. I just love this boy.. I am so blessed. Praise Jesus!!

I had someone tell me the other day, who I see weekly, that she could see my adoptive children were "healing" and that she believed I was a big part of that. She called me "her hero"..wow, I felt very humbled, knowing full well, I am not a hero. I can't do this apart from God. I know yesterday when I got angry with one of my children instead of directing them patiently, I was not a "hero". I am so thankful that God chose me for this position though. I told her "Thank you, it is only Jesus. But I just pray one day that my children can think of me as their 'hero'". She agreed. I don't give my life for anyone else, but for Jesus and my children. That is what my calling is. 

Although, this last Sunday at church through my pastor's sermon God taught me something.

If I am to be a faithful 'man' (aka 'woman') for the Lord, I will be resolute, confident, decided, singular focus and all in for the Service the Lord has called me to, changing that out for my own strength, will-power, goodness, talent, etc. It is not by my ability rather by God's to do this work.

Proverbs 20:6-7 "Most men will proclaim each his own goodness, but who can find a faithful man? The righteous man walks in his integrity; His children are blessed after him."

I do NOT want to be "Most Men (aka women)" proclaiming in my goodness. I want to walk faithful, in the righteousness of Jesus. In order, that my children will be blessed. If I can do that, oh what a legacy and gift I will give my children. 

The part that was a bit hard to swallow from this teaching was that I need to do my faithful work for the Lord with the following question to be answered with a "YES"....

"Am I willing to take the lowest place in my calling and not be remembered? In my motherhood?" 

Jesus is who should be remembered, not me. I want to show Jesus, the only part of me to my children and husband. If I am not remembered but He is, wow..to God be the Glory. Proverbs 20:7 "His (My) children are blessed". I must be okay that when I am finished raising my children. And that even if they do not remember me and all "I" did for them, or even if I never see them again for whatever paths the Lord takes them on it is for His glory, not mine and that it His plan and not mine. I need to surrender them to Him. If He chooses to take one of them from this earth before I "think" it is time, I must willing surrender them to Him. He is their heavenly Father, their Creator and Lord. I am just a vessel He graciously chose to serve them for a number of years and I will joyfully do this until my last breath.

Don't think this is easy for me. I am human too. I am also a recovering control freak, well most of the time, because Jesus lives in me. I have to seek the Lord's forgiveness for the wording I said the other day,  "I pray my children can think of me as their 'hero'".. How selfish of me to say that. No, I want Jesus to be their hero, nothing from my own ability. Forgive me Lord for wanting to be exalted. 

When I take my last breath, I don't want my children to exalt me, but rather sing praise of joy that I will be entering the kingdom of our Savior, because He alone is their Hero!!