My Sweet Babies

Three months ago we were in Hong Kong, getting some extra sleep from our very long day of travel (it was about 40 hours) and preparing to meet our two new children. I was excited and nervous at the same time. Not knowing what our lives would be like by adding two new children to the mix, ones with significant delays and medical issues and who were older than Asher was when we adopted him. But I was confident that the Lord had brought us to the journey and wanted us to be the new parents and family of these precious children.

Jay and I parted ways to save a week of travel time. It was so hard for both of us not to be at each child's "Gotcha Day". We believed that 5 days would not be detrimental to the attachment that God would be making between us and both of our new children.

The first few days were great, but hard too. Elliana would only let me hold her and do anything for her. And then Isaiah would only let Jay do the same for him. It did get better for Isaiah but we didn't push the issue for Ellie in China. 

She is still quite the Mama's girl, mostly when I have to leave the house for a couple hours. I typically take her with me places I go, shopping and such. But sometimes there are appointments or special times with other children and she does have a meltdown when I have to leave. But Jay is so great and patient with her and reminds me "You go, she will stop crying in 10 minutes and will get to see you return to her. All of that will help her believe you will always come back." It breaks my heart though, poor little thing when I leave. It is pitiful and hard not to shed a tear myself. 

Isaiah often believes when Ellie screams when I leave that he must too, but not always. He is becoming quite a Mama's boy too, which has been good. I was a little worried those first few days when he screamed when I held him and Daddy left. I kept trying to earn his trust and prove to him that I was safe, and fun (maybe not as fun as Daddy though), and would take care of him too. I think today he is believing that. I give the glory to God for answering our prayers.

Asher is doing well. He is getting so big, especially compared to the other two, 3 year olds in the house. He is head taller than Isaiah and 10 lbs heavier. ( And Isaiah is the same weight as Ellie now She has gained 5 lbs in 3 months, Isaiah maybe 1/2 lb and he is 4 inches taller than her. ) Asher's language has exploded. His vocabulary is amazing and his speech is moving right along. Asher is so full of joy and courage and vivacity. He is also very stubborn and likes things to be just "so" or he gets upset. We are working on reminding him that he is safe and it is okay for things to be different. Bringing Ellie and Isaiah into his world has rocked him quite a bit. However, I know it is for his betterment. It is not good for him to believe all the world revolves around him forever. It is good for him to learn to share, as he never had to do that before. It is good for him to learn to be gentle, again never doing that before. He is a sweet boy and thankfully we have good therapists that are teaching us ways to help him be all that God means for him to be. He needs consistency in his day, which we have a lot of the time. It is also good for him to have some days that challenge him so he can learn that not all things or days go the way we anticipate and he will still be safe. He loves to hug his little brother and sister. He is just such a big boy compared to them that we have to be right there guiding his body, so he doesn't accidentally push them over. The funny thing is that even though Ellie is pint size compared to Asher and can't move about or talk like he does it does not stop her from communicating to him she is not happy with him or even give him a swift hit. We are working on gentleness.

Elliana is one busy and strong little girl. She isn't walking on her own just yet, but we are working on getting a little walker for her to use. Right now we are borrowing one from the therapist, but it is a bit big for her. It was such a joy to see her use it for the first time. She lit up the room with her smile and excitement as she was learning to maneuver it around. She will also be getting some little orthotics to give her some stability in her ankles, which will help her use the walker better too. Her speech is slowly yet surely coming. She can only say a very few words and you would have to know her to understand what she was trying to communicate. But she is attempting. She is also still signing words. She has no issues letting us know what she wants. 

It is a blessing to see her world open up. I thank God every day for allowing us to adopt her and bring her out the darkness of the orphanage life. She might have had loving nannies take care of her, which we have no reason to doubt. However, the frustration she must have felt not being "heard", not being held often but sitting in a crib, not being able to get enough food, not having someone to call "Mama", all must have been hopeless.  God is a God of hope...I am blessed to share that hope with her and I am blessed to be a part of the hope she gives us all. She is a fighter, that is what helped her to survive. All odds were against her, but she kept on. Sometimes she is trying to tell me she wants to eat or wants her milk. Both of those words she signs well.. But while I am holding her, doing something else for another child, she will grab my face and make me look into her eyes and do her sign again. Sometimes I have to make her a wait a little longer, but I try to not make her wait long. Parenting adopted children is different than biological children. We have to earn their trust. We have to show them time and time again, often through food as that is huge on the bonding scale, that we are there for them and will meet their basic needs always! It is a process that we will always be adjusting and considering the root of the child's needs and how that will affect our relationship with them. But today when she signs her "milk" with her little grunt and forcing me to look into her sweet brown eyes I "hear" that she is begging me to take care of her, to love her like a mother should. 

Isaiah is our small, sweet, quiet but not as quiet as before, almost 3 year old. His birthday is in three days! He has opened up so much the last month. It has been a huge transformation. He was quiet, reserved, serious and whiny a lot of the time the first few weeks and even 2 months he was with us. Something has changed though. We are finally seeing that amazing personality that we could "see" in the photos we got while we were waiting to meet him. He is talking, talking and more talking. He  is bossy, telling his siblings "No" and copying things I say. For example, Ellie is standing up on the couch and I say "Sit down, Ellie" and he copies my exact words right after me. He is sleeping so much better. I think the oxygen is contributing to that too, but he doesn't wake up crying with us not able to pull him out of it for a while. He is often smiling or giggling with his siblings.

 His biggest issue is his heart. He has some days that are harder for him than others. And sickness is the biggest culprit. When he is sick it just wipes him out. He is not very active anyway, but when he doesn't feel good he just lies around and wants to be held. 

I do have an update on his heart. We sent in three different requests to top hospitals about a second opinion. We finally got all three recommendations the earlier part of last week. Two of the facilities concurred, for the most part, with our hospital here. However, the top surgeon at Stanford did not agree with their treatment plan here .He felt a different approach was needed, in fact, even stated in his letter the other would likely not work. His approach would be a lot more aggressive but likely very proactive for the future of his lungs and heart. So we very much considered his plan and were beginning to prepare our minds for travel to Palo Alto, CA, which is very close to where Jay and I grew up and lived up until our 3rd year of marriage. 

The entire time we were in contact with Isaiah's cardiologist keeping him in the loop. After we let him know we were considering this other approach he took the information to the team here.We quickly heard back from him that they still agree with doing the less evasive way first, would be best for Isaiah. If the other surgery failed we would be left with little options for helping his heart. He said that they did reevaluate if his valve needing replacing now or later and they felt now would be best, which is what all three other hospitals suggested and our team was not ready to do yet. So we are thankful that the listened to us and were patient with us as we considering other alternatives for Isaiah.

I had been feeling while we waiting for the doctor to let us know that maybe going to Stanford would not be best for now. At first, I was very much thinking that way but I kept asking God to reveal the right path and give Jay wisdom and us unity on the decision. It was then that God began reminding me He was in control and I needed to have more faith in His healing of Isaiah and not just the doctors. If we were to have Stanford perform the more aggressive option we weren't leaving as much room for God to show His hand in it all. If the less evasive surgery was to be done and still not be enough for Isaiah God will work his miracle and be shown sovereign. That same day that I was hearing God remind me of his power, we asked one the of the other hospitals to look again at Isaiah's record and look at the Stanford surgeon's recommendation for us, giving us another second opinion. (This would be Boston, the #1 heart hospital in the Nation) They still concluded that would not be what they would do. It was all coming together, the peace  that we were to say here and take our cardiologist's advice for Isaiah at this time. Jay and I were in unity on the decision, which we always wanted to have.

So in the coming weeks, still no date planned, he will be having a cardiac MRI and lung scan and  a heart catheterization for a balloon and stent procedure on that left pulmonary artery. The intent is to take off the pressure from the very enlarged and sick Right Ventricle. He will also have his valve replaced which was his original birth defect. They will closely follow him after that surgery with more caths, ballooning and stenting to help that artery become larger and work more efficiently in the coming months, years. We so appreciate your prayers for him. It is going to be a long road. He will also be looking at more valve replacements with open heart surgeries, as the valve doesn't grow with him. 

My prayer is that he will not have fears and that he will not lose his sweet spirit from all of this medical trauma that has taken and will take place in his little life. Isaiah too is a fighter. We know that the nannies that so loved him did not realize how sick he really was and we are ever so grateful that the Lord brought him home to us in the timing that He did. Isaiah would not have gotten help in China until it was maybe too late. Today, here in our family, we are able to closely monitor his health with our excellent doctors and above our Isaiah's Creator and Healer.

I will post when I have a date scheduled for his surgeries. God is good, all the time. All the time, God is good.

Wordless Wednesday....Mama Bonding Time

Medical Update

The last few weeks have been big in adjustment, but really going well. God has been gracious, patient and merciful to me as I learn to mother 2 new, sweet, needy children. It has really been physically and emotionally exhausting some days, but I KNOW with prayers of others God has given me an extra measure of strength. I am so thankful for that, and it keeps a joy in my heart. 

I knew parenting these 2 babies was going to be hard work. The first few days Jay went back to work, I thought, "I don't know if I am cut out for this task. This is hard!" However, the Lord reminded me that He called me to it and He picked me to be their mother through adoption. And my strength was renewed and I got back up to my task of just doing what I knew to do as a mother to many babies before. Yes, it was double and triple hard some days, (still is). I just can't explain the wisdom, patience and love He has given me through out most of my days, but just tell you that,  "It IS from the Lord! and I CAN do all things through CHRIST, who strengthens me!"

Well, onto Isaiah and Ellie's medical stuff. 

Last week we had 2 important appointments. Ellie saw the orthopedic surgeon and Isaiah saw the cardiologist. Ellie went in last Monday and then had xrays taken. We finally heard the findings last night. She has a deformed right fibula, hip dysplasia and mild scoliosis. Her right leg is significantly shorter (although I forgot to ask by how much).

We are still not sure what the future holds for all of these. For now it is "wait, watch and further investigate" strategy. Because the doctor thinks that none of these should keep her from walking and from the other issues of her delays and inability to use her body, we have an appointment scheduled at our Children's Hospital in 3 weeks in Neurology. Then we will look at the whole picture. My mother gut tells me something is not right. She is cognitively smart, but can't seem to make her body do what she wants it to, and it is not completely orphanage delay. She started physical therapy last week, will start occupational next week and will start speech in 2 more weeks as well. More therapy..therapy..therapy..We do believe God has her in His hands and we trust that He will heal her.

Isaiah saw the cardiologist last Tuesday. Poor little guy obviously traumatized from previous medical procedures in China. Who knows all that was done, but we know at least two open heart surgeries before the age of 2. We had many quiet and loud tears at that appointment, but he was a trooper and with a snack and in Daddy's arms we had him smiling at the end of the visit.

Unfortunately, his results on the echo cardiogram were not favorable. I had been concerned, as at night time he is often restless, heavy breathing, whiny and coughing. Not all night, but it is clear he is uncomfortable. His echo showed that his pulmonary valve, which was repaired because of his Tetrology of Fallot birth defect, is still not functioning properly. There is some back flow of blood. Then the exiting blood to the lungs is also not going through the proper pathway, the pulmonary artery of one of the sides. In fact, the doctor couldn't even see it on the echo. He suspects it is too small or blocked. It is my minimal understanding that the body will still make pathways to get blood to the lungs and that is why he is still alive and breathing. All of this is causing hypertension on the right side of his heart, which is supposed to be 1/5 of the blood pressure compared to when we take it on an arm or leg. His about equal right now which is obviously too high. His Saturation % during the day at both doctor visits he had was still in low 90s. So the cardiologist advised us to have him go through a heart catheterization before a month's time. 

The day after we left Isaiah came down with a minor cold. No fever, just a little mucus drainage and small cough. That immediately increased his restlessness and coughing at night. We had been told by the nannies that since his 2nd surgery he was doing well, "except when he gets sick, it was harder for him to get over it". So I had mildly been prepared for this. But I was suspecting asthma. 

However, a thought had come to me to check his O2 levels more regularly and just see what is going on. By the 4th day of this minor cold (which was still minor) he was just not very happy and extra tired. He even took a morning nap with Ellie which he had never done before. A friend of mine has a son with a heart condition that requires lots of monitoring and I thought she might be able to help. She has a Pulse/Ox monitor that she graciously loaned to us for a couple of days. I used it when they brought it over and his O2 was at 89. I put him down for nap, just a couple hours later and in about 10 minutes into sleep it had dropped to 83. I knew I needed to monitor him at night. I put it on his foot that night and watched as best I could while sleeping myself. What I saw was a dramatic decrease in O2. It begins somewhat okay (88-90 when first laying down awake) but then it dropped as low as 75 that I witnessed while sleeping. The average number was 80-82 through out the night. When he woke up it quickly went up to 90. The doctor wants him to be over 88. So this definitely explains why he is having trouble when sleeping. I emailed the doctor who said they want him in next week and not to wait for his cath longer that that. I was so not ready for this and I know Isaiah isn't either. I trust that the Lord knows as He knew this was coming so I am resting in that.

So please pray for next Thursday at 8 AM Mountain Standard Time when Isaiah has his procedure. Jay, Ellie, Eliza and I will all go down with him for the day and I "think" the plan is for Jay to bring Ellie and Eliza home and I will stay with him if they keep him overnight. It was a hard decision as I really wanted to be with him. He is really beginning to bond with me but it is obvious he doesn't trust easily. I also don't know want to leave Elliana. Jay and her are attaching well, but she is slightly more a Mama's girl which is good and I don't want to lose that. It is important that these babies attach with Mama just a bit more, like a newborn would. They didn't get 9 months in the womb with me, and 12 months nursing. So I have to work for it, for the trust, for their love. Jay does too, but research shows if they have a strong attachment with Mama the other relationships will be healthy and secure too. Again, I cried out to the Lord today, surrendering that to Him alone. He knows what it takes to heal my babies and to make a strong attachment with their Mama and Daddy. He will do it in His way, not mine and I give Him that too!

So all your prayers are appreciated about all of the above. Truly it has been those prayers that are evident through this entire adoption journey with Elliana and Isaiah. Thank you!!

Catch Up Post: Adoption, China, Adjustment, Life

Our VPN wasn't working most of the time in China, therefore it was impossible to blog while there. AND I was so busy with little people it probably wouldn't have been much anyway.

We came home on June 8th, after 30 hours of travel time. Can I just say I really, really dislike that long airplane ride? The babies hated it and we held them while they fussed, cried, tossed in their 30 minute catnaps and Isaiah even got air sick the last hour for the long flight. We went to 4 airports, 3 flights.

I will post a bunch of photos and write captions to give a glimpse of our 18 days traveling to China and home. It really was a wonderful adoption trip. We had a tiny spout of stomach sickness with my teens and Jay, which lasted about 24 hours. I had sinus issues I think from the pollution, since it has mostly cleared the last 48 hours. I had a very bad stomach ache the night before we left and I was worried to get on the plane. After praying a lot through the night it cleared up. The babies were not sick at all, slept great. Ellie is quite attached to Mama and Isaiah to Daddy. They both are accepting of the other parent more and more each day.

Ellie's personality is a go-getter, strong, determined, feisty and sweet all in one very tiny package. She weighed a little under 19 lbs at Gotcha Day and today at the doctor was 20 lbs exactly. she fits pretty well into size 12 months except for her waist needs more like a 6 month. She LOVES food and loves to move. She loves clothes and odd things to look and play with. She is all baby. She doesn't talk at all, sometimes baby babble. She grunts a lot, cries loudly, and is learning to sign. She can not walk on her own, but loves to be walked around holding tight onto your hands. She "crawls" with a bent leg in criss-cross position and pulls herself forward. She is very delayed, but very smart. We suspect intestinal parasites which she is getting tested for right now. She loves to snuggle in the Ergo and be walked around. She smiles all the time and can get a sweet little giggle when being tossed into the air. We are suspecting her delays are more than just institutional, maybe Cerebral Palsy. We are not concerned though and the doctor wants to get her into PT, OT and ST as soon as we can before we go the neurological route and see how she improves. He said treatment is the same either way. She is teething molars and I think it has been making it a little crabby the last few days. She loves to investigate her new home. In spite of the fact that she has not the full capability to control her hands and arms, she can give a good right hook when she is mad. She has been sleeping better the last few nights. The first 3 nights we were home she screamed half the the night. We have put back in her little crib with a weighted blanket and added some essential oils to see if that helps, along with Ibuprofen for teething. All of the above seem to help her sleep "most" of the night. She has been waking lately for a midnight bottle, which I am gladly giving her. She is always wanting to eat, I am just thinking for 3 years she was hungry and she has a lot of catching up to do. I think she is going to have no problems gaining weight. What a sweet blessing she is.

Isaiah's personality is a lot different than hers. He is quiet, whiny, withdrawn and serious, with a bit of silly grin he is hiding under it all. He will not speak to us or sign very much at all. We have made small steps in getting him to sign "more" or "please" when he wants something. And I have heard him say "Dadda" and "Mama" on occasion. He only weights 22 lbs, is long and very lean. He doesn't smile often, but when he does his whole face lights up. He loves his belly kissed and we can get a huge belly laugh from that experience. He barely eats at all, but will take about 4oz of milk from a bottle several times a day and he likes to drink water from a Camelbak. He loves Daddy, since Jay had him from Gotcha day and 5 days without me. He wanted nothing to do with me the first couple days I was with him. Our first step in getting him to let me feed him was Jay holding him while I held the bottle. It was a step and just a day or so later he let me hold him with the bottle alone. He barely walks and when he does it was with straight legs. We "think" he was held a lot in his orphanage and in the crib. His nannies all loved him. When Jay took him for an orphanage visit one nanny said a blessing over him. Isaiah cried with delight to see his best friend in her crib (very bad hydrocephalus) and then he cried tears of anguish to leave her. Jay said it was heart wrenching to make them part. Isaiah seems to be deeply grieving. But he is slowly, being healed and opening up his heart to us. He has a very large pigeon chest from his last heart surgery, which we weren't aware of. He seems to not be bothered by it, but he doesn't lie on it very heavily. It will be interesting to hear what the heart surgeon thinks of it and if they will do anything to repair it. I think they have to rebreak the sternum to fix it.  He is a champion sleeper which has saved me with Ellie not sleeping so good, always. He does fuss in his sleep quite a bit, snore and seem short of a breath with some coughing while he sleeps. The doctor does not believe is due to his heart, maybe asthma, reflux or a residual from recent illness he might have had. We will see the heart surgeon in 10 days. When he needs me by fussing at night (his crib is next to our bed) I just hold his hand and he likes that.

So life at home is going well. Amazingly, laundry and cleaning are pretty great, due to my awesome older and younger helpers. We won't look in my bedroom though okay? Jay went back to work one day last week. I did not feel overwhelmed, but I was tired. I sat on the ground with the littles a lot. I am going to need to get more adventurous with them sooner or later. But for the first few weeks we are just getting to know each other and let them experience their siblings and new home. It has been a huge blessing to have a few meals come for the first few weeks. I know prayers are being said daily for us, I feel them. The older children love their new siblings. I am finding a bit hard to find the balance between working on bonding with new kiddos and keeping relationships with other children. I so appreciate all the grace, mercy and understanding my other children have given me through this transition. I think the fog has lifted from jet-lag, but my emotions feel a bit all over the place sometimes. Not quite as bad as post-partum hormones but maybe about 25 percent of that.

Here are the photos:

May 27, 2013 Elliana Kate Jun "Gotcha Day" Her Nanny (not this lady in the photo) gave her to me and from the get go Ellie was screaming and scared. She cried the entire 90 minutes we spent waiting for paperwork to be finalized for all the families in this room. Once we left the building and went to Walmart and she willingly took food from me she calmed down. We had a hard, whiny and crying day with her. By the following day she was better and each day after became more and more attached to me.

May 27, 2013 Isaiah Calvert Tao (Tao Tao) Gotcha Day. He was whimpering and scared. But quickly warmed up to Daddy.

May 28, 2013 Isaiah is officially our son."Adoption Day"!

May 28, 2013 Ellie is officially our daughter "Adoption Day" for her as well. She is starting to really love the Ergo as well.

Sweet, serious and somber little Isaiah. But in the photo by the baby (that is his friend) he was very gentle and loving toward her. We can see beautiful glimpses of a  little lover child. These photos were his visit to the orphanage.

Just a little comparison of Ellie from the first week to the second week we had her. The first photo we had her for just one day. She was curious but not wanting to smile much. The photos in the stroller were the second week. You can see a little brighter bounce in her eyes and of the course her smile is precious.

Our first day back together, after a short night's sleep. This was us waiting at the Medical Check up for the littles. So happy to be reunited.

These photos were at the Chen Ancestral Hall in Guangzhou (including the one of Jacob posing with the statues) and the Pearl Market. I bought some pearls for Ellie, Isaiah's future wife and Makenna for a graduation gift and some earings for myself and Eliza. They had bags and bags of colored pearls. You pick what strand you want and they make it into a necklace for you. This is where they tie each pearl individually. I think it took them about 5 minutes for each necklace. They were fast. I paid 60 American dollars for each necklace. They are simple and elegant.

A man, painting the names of the children inside a pretty handpainted blown glass jar I picked out for them. I think shopping was one of the highlights of the trip for me. I brought home many gifts for the children to give them on birthdays for the coming 2 decades I think.

Shopping on Shaiman Island.

Asher posing with a statue on Shaiman Island. Cute boy!

Lunch at Lucy's on Shaiman Island. I had just walked through a huge thunder storm to meet them for lunch after shopping at an amazing store owned by the agency that helps kids needing adoption. A Gift of Love is the name of the store.

(not the greatest photo of us) but I wanted you to see our first attempts at having Isaiah let me feed him. This was our 3 day together and he still would not snuggle me or take a bottle or food from me. So Daddy held him, while I held the bottle and it worked. Accept that Ellie was jealous and Asher wanted to be a part of the action too. Oh well..progress was made.

More times with me feeding my two "little birdies" noodles. They kids love noodles and they sat on each side of me and opened mouths wide while I put them in. They were very excited and happy with this game. And the bonding was moving along...

One of the daily highlights for Asher was the Koi Fish pond at our hotel by the breakfast room. He took bread every day and fed the fish. Isaiah liked it too.

One of the fun things we got to do with the other families from our agency was the Pearl River Dinner Cruise. These photos were from that evening. The one building that I got a good picture of was my favorite. It changed colors that spiraled up to the top of the building, including "rainbow".

June 5, 2013 our Ellie turned 3. We shared that evening with another family I will post next and their Reece who turned 3 as well that day and was from Ellie's province. She LOVED the cheesecake.

Wes, Heather and Reece from Alabama.

Adam, Jessica and Samuel. This little boy is the one we prayed about at the same time whether to adopt as we looked at Isaiah's file. We obviously God led us to choose Isaiah, but this little guy was precious too and we were double blessed to be there the same time he was getting adopted and meet his sweet family.

Robin, Andrew and Levi. Levi was a precious boy which Asher became fast friends with.

 We are so glad we brought Jacob and Eliza, they were instrumental and we couldn't have managed without them. I think they had a lot of fun too.

New parents....we are so blessed...

We Gotcha....a year ago today...

One year ago today, we walked into the life of a precious 21 month old boy, whom we named Asher Thomas Quan (pronounced Ch' u en). We had been praying for him and falling in love with him for already 9 months. However, he didn't know anything about us yet. We had sent photos of our family and we do know he was shown them, but how much can a toddler comprehend?

He was not afraid of us on that first meeting, when he was "unfairly" taken from his foster family early that morning and brought to an office building where adoption paperwork is signed. All he likely knew was that he was going for a ride, given some cookies, and got to play on some toys with some other possible, familiar faces around him (there were a few nannies from the orphanage who had known him a little bit likely and 3 other children that he met monthly at the orphanage). When we walked into the room our hearts were racing, anxiety a little high not sure how he would respond to us, but so full of joy and excitement that we were finally meeting our son.

He was apprehensive for about 20 minutes, but allowed us to play with him, give him a sucker, sit on my lap and even let his new Daddy throw him in the air, with giggles that followed. We spent maybe 90 minutes maximum at this office, signing papers for us to take 24 hours to decide if we wanted to adopt him. They were sort of letting us "foster" him for the next 24 hours, so it was a bit different than adoption. 

It would not have mattered to us, we would have signed the adoption paperwork that minute. He was our son and we would have done anything to make that happen. We knew God had brought him into our lives and we already loved him like he was ours. We followed the formality of the system, understanding the reasoning. Unfortunately, some families do end up not accepting the child they intended to adopt after that 24 hour period. But for us it was a done deal from the moment we met his face in a photo and read what little we knew about his life.

Then we were off. We went to the grocery store to buy some diapers, as they sent none and he was in a very full diaper. I had a few but it would not last 2 weeks. Also, we needed formula, again he was sent with nothing except a bag of opened cookies and some spicy chips of some weird sort that were half eaten and he wouldn't even touch (I think the nannies enjoyed them more than he did.) And he needed shoes. He was wearing very worn out girl shoes that were too small. So off to the store for our needed items and some other things and then back to the hotel. He played with his new big sister Lenea, for a little bit and let me give him a bottle, which he only drank 2 oz at a time then. Then he fell asleep in my arms and slept for 4 hours. He didn't cry really at all. He seemed undaunted by the fact that we looked, spoke and smelled nothing like he had ever witnessed before. He sort of just fit in right away. We knew it had to be God.

He slept with us that first night but sort of at a distance. I kept my hand on him the entire night, so he would know I wasn't far even if he didn't want to touch me himself. He slept pretty good, with one wake up for about an hour, fussing and whining but went back to sleep.  But night #2 was much different. He woke up scared, bewildered and angry about 1 AM that night. I took him out of the bed, as Lenea and Jay were still sleeping, and tried to give him a bottle. He wouldn't take it and just kept pushing me away but then wanted me to hold him at the same time. It was obvious that things were sinking in and he wasn't sure he wanted to be there. It ended up being 4 hours of him sobbing, as a toddler can do. It wasn't like a tantrum, but more like grieving. I had tears at times myself, but then I just began singing some praise songs in his ear over and over and over and over again. I held him close and eventually he let me feed him some milk. When he finally settled down, he would not leave my side in that bed. He held onto me for dear life.

 During the day, he was a typical toddler who was asserting his independence and ran around touching everything in site. I don't think he had boundaries in his life and was not used to having things he couldn't touch. He learned "No" quickly though and we began teaching him signs (the few we knew) as he couldn't talk at all. Signing helped him tremendously, it was if the light went on in his mind that he could communicate and be "heard". All he did up to that point was grunt. Nighttime however, was his way of processing his experience and the trauma of it all. He would latch onto me or Jay, usually me as we were trying to help him bond to my primarily first, and when he woke he was terrified. 

He would cry or whine and hit himself, and did this a couple times a night for up to an hour each time. It was heartbreaking. His sleep was restless and unpeaceful those first few days. He did nap each day so that helped us get through that time. I ended up being by myself with him the last week, as Jay and Lenea headed back home. It was an exhausting 8 days, but God helped me through and we bonded so much. during that time. He was still terrified if I left his side, which I really couldn't and at waking up, but he was feeling more and more at ease and comfortable with me.

Upon coming home to the US, he was stirred up a bit the first week. I think jet lag and meeting new brothers and sisters and coming into another new environment (we had 3 different hotels in China) was all about that. He settled into a routine easily and even began eating a lot more. In China, he was very picky and wouldn't eat very much a time. He only weighed 22 lbs so I was concerned. Once we were home he began eating up to 6 oz bottles (remember only 2 oz in China),  and he began eating foods (not everything still a bit picky but enough , in China he would eat maybe a few bites of yogurt and a few noodles but that was it). So it was a quick adjustment.

He loved his brothers and sisters right away. Some of them are more of the "in your face" type of children and he didn't appreciate that for a while. He would just hit them in the face, so they usually just learned to back off. But the ones that were quietly sitting by his side and would wait for his cue were quickly accepted into his heart. He especially loved the oldest brother and sisters, who all seemed to be mini Mamas and Daddies in his mind. We had to be careful not to confuse him, by letting him attach to them too much before he was attached to Mama and Daddy. So we controlled the things they could do for him and the amount of time they loved on him. I am so appreciative for all their love and support and understanding about that, because each of them just wanted to snatch him up and love on  him like they did with all the other baby siblings that came home in the past. I know it was hard for them to keep hands off a lot of the time.

So tonight we celebrated this precious boy's life and us becoming a family to him. God has taught me so much the last year about love and how my heart could grow so full for a child that I did not birth. I truly birthed him in my heart and I could only think of him as My son. It has been a wonderful year with him in our family. I celebrate every day the Lord has given me with him.

On tonight's menu we had Fried Rice, Chicken Lettuce Wraps, Lemon Chicken and Mandarin Oranges. I thought he would like at least the rice and lemon chicken, but he would only eat the oranges and one bite of the chicken, only because he wanted to try the chopsticks. He is definitely a picky toddler. Oh well, the rest of us ate it all up, especially the Lettuce Wraps.. yummy!

 I also am sharing his Adoption Video that is finally completed. If you don't want to watch the entire 13 minutes, you can skip ahead about 1/4 way through and see his Gotcha Day video footage.

Oh, I also wanted to share that we did drive down to the immigration office this morning. What a test of faith for me. We were greeted with a very grumpy security guard who was not going to allow us to print. But Jay would not take "No" for an answer and asked to talk to the Supervisor. We waited 10 minutes for him to get off the phone, while all along observing that the office was pretty quiet, with at least 2 finger print technicians just sitting there. The supervisor was almost as grumpy as the guard and it was obvious he wanted to turn us away. After Jay gave our case and explained the reasons he didn't seem empathetic but just said "I will think about it and let you know", then ushered Jay out of this office and closed the door. We sat silently in the chairs and I just prayed, still keeping faith that the Lord wanted us do complete them today and that He would take care of all of it. About 20 minutes later the supervisor came out of his office and handed our paperwork to the guard. The guard called us up and gave us the paperwork to fill out and said nothing else to us. I was silently praising God knowing he had changed the heart of the "kings" on our behalf. After filling out the paperwork we were printed and out of there in 5 minutes..!!! Praise the Lord. So keep praying that the finger prints are acceptable, if not we have trek down there again; as well that USCIS approval will come that first week of December. That is only 2 weeks away, I am so happy to be almost done with this next step as well. A little closer to our precious China sweeties.


Now, onto the video: We Love You Asher!!

Has It Been 2 Weeks Already?

Two weeks ago was Asher's palate repair.
I am so glad it is all done with! Yeah, I am shouting for joy. The doctor was able to complete the entire palate surgery with this one. We are thrilled. If it heals up completely he will be done with the palate  until he is about 8-10, for the bone grafting surgery. But because of the success of the  surgery, the surgeon did NOT allow us to give him a bottle following surgery like he first said, as he really didn't want to have do it again, for Asher's sake. I was not happy and neither was Asher. But we did figure out the Tender Care Feeders were a good enough substitute. But it has been a challenge, as he really misses that feeding and bonding time with Mama.

It wasn't a complicated surgery, but the night's stay in the hospital was a difficult experience for him. He cried for hours through out the night, in my arms in the hospital bed. I am not sure it was because he was in pain, as we really tried to keep up on that well. I think it had more to do with the fact that he was put in Peds ICU, which meant we had a regular room but had a nurse sitting on the side of our bed the entire time he was there. He just did NOT trust those people and he did NOT want to be there. He cried every time they touched him, even for temp reads and blood pressures.


They were really kind and compassionate toward him. I made a care plan out and had it in his chart. They made sure each nurse read it and followed it. I focused mostly on his medical trauma instead of adoption and attachment. As unfortunately, I have been finding that most medical professionals are clueless about attachment and always have an opinion to give about what we are doing to facilitate that (ie still giving him the bottle, co-sleeping, no other care givers etc.). So I focused on what I new they would get and they were much more willing to comply with gentle and understanding care as long as he was not having complications. Thank the Lord, he did not.

So we came home the following afternoon and he was so happy to see and play with everyone. I took him of the pain meds the next day, after he threw up from them and still wasn't eating well. I put him strictly on tylenol and it seemed to control the pain okay. Plus, he finally wanted to eat. It still took another few days for him to eat a lot, but a small couple bites of applesauce was better than nothing.

We saw the surgeon last Thursday and he said it all is healing up wonderfully. He is encouraging us to do the lip and nose revision this fall/winter. I am really going to pray about it. While I do trust our surgeon, I am just not ready for another surgery today. I want to do what the Lord wants though, and He knows what is best.

The biggest reason I am not ready, is that this surgery seemed to bring up trauma issues for Asher during sleep time again. This was something we dealt with the first few months he was home and we were finally there at I believe a healing place. He is already doing better today than he was a week ago. However, I am not sure if that would be good or not for him to do another surgery so soon. The good news is that the doctor did say we can still give him the bottle after that surgery, although Asher may not feel like taking it for a few days.

So we will be praying and asking God for HIS best in this decision.

Daddy holding Asher for the 30 minutes after they gave him Versed to help be relaxed and not have memory prior and during to walking back to surgery. He was fine up until the last 5 minutes, then he started to cry, since he did not like the weird feeling and that he couldn't hold his head up. Poor Guy. When the nurse came to get him, he willingly went with her in his arms. They never did make us put hospital PJs on him, thanks to my Care Plan. We just took of his shirt and he kept his diaper and PJ shorts on. It really helped the transition go smoother for him.

 This is where Jay and I waited for almost 4 hours during his surgery. It wasn't the must comfy place to sit but it worked. We have decided that while we really like the Ottomans they have, it would have been nice to have a higher backed couch to lean your head back on, or maybe a pillow.

 His wonderful anesthesiologist kept his word, and as soon as Asher was taken to recovery he came to the waiting room and got me. I sat, or should I say stood by his bed for 2 1/2 hours as he would just NOT wake up. His vitals were great, breathing well on his own, just quite a tired boy. I got to know his nurse really well though. 

After about 2 hours he did make some communication to us (Jay was finally back with me as well). He signed, with his eyes closed, "more" and "help". I told the nurse that and she wrote it down as communicating, since that was one of the things they needed to move him to Pediatrics. However, he did still continue to sleep, he was just very comfortable. I finally convinced the nurse that after all that time I thought it would be more stressful for him if we waited for him to wake up and then promptly move him to another room. She agreed and got permission to move him before he woke since his vitals had been so great and it had been so long, after all. Wouldn't you know it, he woke when she wheeled him to the elevator and Jay and I weren't with him? It was only for a few minutes, but I so wanted us to be the first that he saw. Maybe that is why he woke? Because after we had been standing by his side, he then sensed we weren't there with him anymore?

This was the hour before he got to come home. Daddy came back to relieve me so I could actually use the bathroom and get changed and brush my teeth. The nurse got discharge papers ready and we left shortly after. But Asher really enjoyed this wagon. I have no pictures of the time between recovery and this, as all I did was hold that little boy and listen to him moan and cry a lot in my arms from about 5 PM until the next morning. He did perk up a lot when Daddy came about 10 AM. He was a trooper and I came home and had a huge stress let down. I was tired, but so thankful it was done and a success. Thank you to our wonderful doctors and nurses.

How Asher has Grown and What Tommorrow Will Bring

Today, I sit next to my bed, watching a sweet little child I call "my own", sleep. He has come to trust us on a new level, the last 6 months he has been our son. And today he has no idea what lays ahead for tomorrow.

Asher is now 2 and almost 4 months old. He is a typical active toddler, all "boy". From the time his little 3 foot body begins stirring (about 6:30 AM), until he falls asleep for each nap and bedtime, he is on the go! Literally, when I sit by his bed at 9 o'clock at night, and I know he is so tired (in fact he asks me to go to his crib) he just tosses and turns, pushes the bed, flips and flops for about an hour or more. Then all of a sudden he begins his little "tune" (he sort of hums himself to sleep) and then in a few minutes he is asleep. He sleeps well most nights, with occasional wakes up and screams from nightmares, but that has drastically dropped after 2 months of being with us. Even then when he is put back into our bed, he snuggles up and falls right to sleep with peaceful quiet sleep the remaining night. 

I also have intentionally been teaching him to sit at times through his day to do little things or quiet activities that are positive, so his engine can slow down. When he first came home he was always flitting from thing to thing, not sitting or engaging for more than a few minutes at a time. He was a restless little guy, who was overwhelmed with his surroundings and obviously used to touching and getting into anything he desired. For the most part I try to keep our home quieter. It is not that the children don't get loud, but I try to encourage that for outside play. I am naturally (probably being an only child) inclined to liking quiet. So with a large family, while I can handle noise on a new level now, I still prefer more quiet. I think that has benefited Asher a lot.

Sitting quietly in church is still a challenge, but he is slowly starting to have a quieter voice there and on most days doesn't wiggle down out of my lap. (I do have to distract him with snack and books, which I am fine with.) Mostly, there is just huge improvements in his ability to sit and play with a toy or sibling for longer periods. He will even look at books with you occasionally, which was almost never a few months ago. You do have to be careful with those pages though, as he wants to flip through them a lot of times.

He loves learning about his new environment and also doesn't like being told he can't do certain things. He expects certain things to be done just so. I can tell already he has perfectionist tendencies. It could be due to his innate personality. It might also be that it makes him feel secure, after his difficult, untrustworthy beginning in this world. We have been told that adopted children often feel best when they know what to expect and can have some control over their "world". However, as a good mother should, I try to find that balance of letting him have his comforts and control sometimes, but not allowing it to always be a certain way for him. 

Even though he can't speak clearly about 99% of the time, he has no difficulties letting us know through his sign language, pointing, facial expressions, and a few recognizable words what it is he expects. We have been working on him to be using "please", which mostly he will comply when told, but still not usually on his own. And I have also been at times shaking things up a bit. He is used to having his bottle given by me in 3 locations and one day he was adamant that we do it on one of those locations. I decided to tell him I was choosing this time and I chose one of the other 3 we typically use. He was fussing a little bit, but gave into me. I can be quite stubborn too, and he is learning that. I do that a couple times each day with whatever his demands are. It is balance, because I know he wants that security but he needs to learn that he can trust his Mama and Daddy to make those decisions now and that we won't let him down.

That brings me to tomorrow...It is surgery day. A 3 hour surgery to fix his palate. He has no idea what is coming. He has a lot of anxiety over medical things. So far the only things we have experienced with him are normal weight checks (he screams), exams (fusses a lot usually, but is getting better if the doctor is not abrupt and I can hold him, thankfully we have great doctors), blood draws and shots (both of them he is hysterically kicking and screaming as soon as we have to hold him down, before the needle is even close.)  We have reasons to believe that he was held down for medical recovery, even strapped to a crib. 

He is likely just tired of all this examining, poking and prodding he has been through in 2 short years already. We know he is a strong, stubborn and courageous little boy, otherwise he might not have lived. We also know he has a loving, sweet and gentle personality, albeit never stopping and always active. His stress level has been high most of his life. Even though unfamiliar situations, nightmares and medical issues bring that stress up to a max,  I have noticed a big change of calm in his beautiful, brown eyes and ability to just snuggle in my arms, which he didn't have when we first met him. He was always pretty "easy" but the trust wasn't there, of course. Today it is there. It may not be complete attachment yet, but is is coming. 

The Lord is healing him, I am so thankful. I pray almost every night over him, that the Lord would take those deep wounds, that none of us know yet, and completely heal them with His love, using our family as the vessel. I have come to love this precious boy so very much. It brings my heart to be filled with joy to think about how blessed we are to have him here with us!

I ask for prayers for tomorrow. I want Asher to not feel the anxiousness prior to surgery I imagine he will have. I want my own heart and Jay's to be resting in the Lord's peace. It is time for his second big surgery (first was his lip in China), of several more to come. This is the day we have been waiting for and hoping for. This surgery will make it so he can communicate on a whole new level, with healing and practice. He will be able to eat better and hopefully not have anymore fluid in his ears, which will help him hear better and be more comfortable. But I must admit, as a Mommy, I wish we didn't have to go through it. I am trusting our medical team. I completely trust our doctors and have gotten to know a reliable nurse liaison and even spoke to the anesthesiologist, who seems compassionate and knowledgeable for what Asher needs and has worked with Smile Train therefore is familiar with cleft affected children from other countries.  

Most importantly I know God has brought us to this day and HE is holding Asher in his hands. I can walk in faith and know even if he has pain, discomfort and stress, it will come together for good. Thank you for your prayers!

One last photo, prior to surgery, of the cutest little 2 year old Asian boy on earth!!!

Surgery Date Scheduled

After many prayers and advice we are finally preparing a date for Asher's palate surgery.


I was originally planning on February, as I knew he would not begin speaking until it was repaired. But our wonderful surgeon encouraged me to make sure he and we were ready. I left that office from his first visit with the surgeon back in December, thinking for sure we would do it then. However, one of the criteria for recovery is not to use the bottle. At this time, Asher is still taking the bottle with milk in it 3 times a day and a 4th if he is extra clingy or not feeling good. So, we decided to push it back to April.


As the weeks moved quickly along, and our bonding with him was going to so well, (which we truly believe the bottle is instrumental in helping), I just couldn't imagine taking it away from him in April. We did give quite a bit of effort in trying to get him to take milk from a sippy cup on our lap. It has been a chore just getting him to take water or juice in a sippy cup at all. But when it comes to milk, he absolutely refuses. We have had 2 speech therapists, a nutritionist and Occupational therapist all help us with this. We have tried 6 different types of sippy cups. He just keeps pushing it away and refusing, with a tight lip. He will take a thick shake that we make for our family breakfasts in a regular cup, but he is sitting in his high chair due to the mess of a regular cup, so it isn't the same quality bonding we get with the bottle and he only drinks maybe 2 ounces at a sitting.


I was feeling stressed about the whole situation and asking many friends for prayer. At one point I remembered our 16 hour state adoption training and our social worker and her experience with bonding. She has a lot of knowledge in this area and I trust her opinion. I decided to get a hold of her. She graciously talked to me on the phone for an hour and answered all my concerns. Her encouragement was that we were doing all the right things, and it sounded as if he was bonding well with us, and she really thought we should keep using the bottle until he has been with us at least 12 months.


The thing about the bottle is where you "take them back" to developmental stages in order for them to go through them in a healthy way and bond with you. Asher may not have had a healthy single caregiver ever give him a bottle, with snuggling, eye contact, love and attention on a regular basis. Plus, even if he did and that was good for the development he had in China, it is not him bonding with Jay and me. Our social worker said that he needs at least 12 months, or longer, to regain what he missed with us. Even though he is 2, it is not the same as a toddler walking around with a bottle attached to his mouth, or even falling asleep with one in his crib. We always, only hold him (Jay or me) and have a purpose to our feeding him this way. He truly snuggles right in and with this active toddlerhood he is in, it is one of the only times each day he "allows" us to snuggle him.






If it wasn't for this needed surgery, that is hindering his ability to speak this wouldn't be such an issue. So, we made the choice to push surgery back another 2 months, to the beginning of June. We willd give him the bottle up until surgery day and then do whatever we needed to do to get him to eat another way for recovery, which could be up to 2 weeks of no bottle. Then the plan is to give him the bottle again, if he will take it. The challenge could be that he will be quite ticked at not getting the bottle after surgery and then when it is offered again he will refuse. If this is the case we will deal it with it the best we can, but at least then we did have a solid 6 months of bottle/bonding time with him.






Thankfully, our surgeon is very kind and supportive. He doesn't think we should wait 12 months (which we don't want to either) but he is in agreement with this decision.


As far as Asher's ability to communicate, he is up to over 120 signs and he can say about 12 or so words that "we" understand. God has a purpose in all of this and knows the perfect timing.


June 4th in the early AM is what we are looking at. If you feel led to pray for the 2 week transition off the bottle or that the surgeon would even let him have it sooner if he thinks it would be wise. There could be a possible 2nd palate surgery 3-6 months later, which we won't know until after this surgery.

Doctors, Dentists, and Therapists OH MY!!

We knew before bringing Asher home that because of his unrepaired palate there would be many specialists he would need to see. Besides the pediatrician on the first week home, I waited a couple weeks to start those appointments going. 


But the last few weeks we have been going to an average of 2-3 appointments a weeks, not including the needs of our other children. I feel, as of late, I am living in the car. Many of these specialists are about a 30 minute drive as well.

So far besides his regular doctor he has been to twice and the lab for blood work, twice, he has seen or will be seeing:   

The cleft surgeon, ENT, audiologist, 2 speech pathologists, ophthalmologist, pediatric dentist, orthodontist, Occupational therapist, and nutritionist....


The good news is that so far everything is doing as well as can be expected. He will be receiving in-home speech and possibly OT weekly. He will also see another speech therapist, who is part of the cleft-team, a couple times a month. He will be getting a rotten tooth capped during his palate surgery, which is likely to be in April. He will be getting tubes in his ears during that surgery as well. Today we had an audio-gram done and it seems he has an ear infection and some hearing loss. She believes it is not permanent, although we won't be able to tell for sure until the fluid is drained post-operative.

 The cleft doctor thinks he can repair in one surgery, but it is hard to tell for sure until he is healed from it. However, he will be going back in a few months following palate surgery to repair his nose and redo his lip. That surgery, while just an outpatient one, I am looking forward to the least, since I have first hand experience what sinus surgery recovery is like. Those stints are no fun!

The other day Asher got his eyes dilated and examined. It seems his eyes don't track together but the doctor didn't see that and thinks he looks great. Unfortunately, Asher hated the drops for his eyes. I think they made his sensory system out of whack, more than usual. He fussed a lot, was sort of goofy and very clumsy. So clumsy that he smashed his face soon after coming home, hitting our wall vent and really gave his eyelid a nasty cut.


Poor guy, is such a trooper.