Three months ago we were in Hong Kong, getting some extra sleep from our very long day of travel (it was about 40 hours) and preparing to meet our two new children. I was excited and nervous at the same time. Not knowing what our lives would be like by adding two new children to the mix, ones with significant delays and medical issues and who were older than Asher was when we adopted him. But I was confident that the Lord had brought us to the journey and wanted us to be the new parents and family of these precious children.
Jay and I parted ways to save a week of travel time. It was so hard for both of us not to be at each child's "Gotcha Day". We believed that 5 days would not be detrimental to the attachment that God would be making between us and both of our new children.
The first few days were great, but hard too. Elliana would only let me hold her and do anything for her. And then Isaiah would only let Jay do the same for him. It did get better for Isaiah but we didn't push the issue for Ellie in China.
She is still quite the Mama's girl, mostly when I have to leave the house for a couple hours. I typically take her with me places I go, shopping and such. But sometimes there are appointments or special times with other children and she does have a meltdown when I have to leave. But Jay is so great and patient with her and reminds me "You go, she will stop crying in 10 minutes and will get to see you return to her. All of that will help her believe you will always come back." It breaks my heart though, poor little thing when I leave. It is pitiful and hard not to shed a tear myself.
Isaiah often believes when Ellie screams when I leave that he must too, but not always. He is becoming quite a Mama's boy too, which has been good. I was a little worried those first few days when he screamed when I held him and Daddy left. I kept trying to earn his trust and prove to him that I was safe, and fun (maybe not as fun as Daddy though), and would take care of him too. I think today he is believing that. I give the glory to God for answering our prayers.
Asher is doing well. He is getting so big, especially compared to the other two, 3 year olds in the house. He is head taller than Isaiah and 10 lbs heavier. ( And Isaiah is the same weight as Ellie now She has gained 5 lbs in 3 months, Isaiah maybe 1/2 lb and he is 4 inches taller than her. ) Asher's language has exploded. His vocabulary is amazing and his speech is moving right along. Asher is so full of joy and courage and vivacity. He is also very stubborn and likes things to be just "so" or he gets upset. We are working on reminding him that he is safe and it is okay for things to be different. Bringing Ellie and Isaiah into his world has rocked him quite a bit. However, I know it is for his betterment. It is not good for him to believe all the world revolves around him forever. It is good for him to learn to share, as he never had to do that before. It is good for him to learn to be gentle, again never doing that before. He is a sweet boy and thankfully we have good therapists that are teaching us ways to help him be all that God means for him to be. He needs consistency in his day, which we have a lot of the time. It is also good for him to have some days that challenge him so he can learn that not all things or days go the way we anticipate and he will still be safe. He loves to hug his little brother and sister. He is just such a big boy compared to them that we have to be right there guiding his body, so he doesn't accidentally push them over. The funny thing is that even though Ellie is pint size compared to Asher and can't move about or talk like he does it does not stop her from communicating to him she is not happy with him or even give him a swift hit. We are working on gentleness.
Elliana is one busy and strong little girl. She isn't walking on her own just yet, but we are working on getting a little walker for her to use. Right now we are borrowing one from the therapist, but it is a bit big for her. It was such a joy to see her use it for the first time. She lit up the room with her smile and excitement as she was learning to maneuver it around. She will also be getting some little orthotics to give her some stability in her ankles, which will help her use the walker better too. Her speech is slowly yet surely coming. She can only say a very few words and you would have to know her to understand what she was trying to communicate. But she is attempting. She is also still signing words. She has no issues letting us know what she wants.
It is a blessing to see her world open up. I thank God every day for allowing us to adopt her and bring her out the darkness of the orphanage life. She might have had loving nannies take care of her, which we have no reason to doubt. However, the frustration she must have felt not being "heard", not being held often but sitting in a crib, not being able to get enough food, not having someone to call "Mama", all must have been hopeless. God is a God of hope...I am blessed to share that hope with her and I am blessed to be a part of the hope she gives us all. She is a fighter, that is what helped her to survive. All odds were against her, but she kept on. Sometimes she is trying to tell me she wants to eat or wants her milk. Both of those words she signs well.. But while I am holding her, doing something else for another child, she will grab my face and make me look into her eyes and do her sign again. Sometimes I have to make her a wait a little longer, but I try to not make her wait long. Parenting adopted children is different than biological children. We have to earn their trust. We have to show them time and time again, often through food as that is huge on the bonding scale, that we are there for them and will meet their basic needs always! It is a process that we will always be adjusting and considering the root of the child's needs and how that will affect our relationship with them. But today when she signs her "milk" with her little grunt and forcing me to look into her sweet brown eyes I "hear" that she is begging me to take care of her, to love her like a mother should.
Isaiah is our small, sweet, quiet but not as quiet as before, almost 3 year old. His birthday is in three days! He has opened up so much the last month. It has been a huge transformation. He was quiet, reserved, serious and whiny a lot of the time the first few weeks and even 2 months he was with us. Something has changed though. We are finally seeing that amazing personality that we could "see" in the photos we got while we were waiting to meet him. He is talking, talking and more talking. He is bossy, telling his siblings "No" and copying things I say. For example, Ellie is standing up on the couch and I say "Sit down, Ellie" and he copies my exact words right after me. He is sleeping so much better. I think the oxygen is contributing to that too, but he doesn't wake up crying with us not able to pull him out of it for a while. He is often smiling or giggling with his siblings.
His biggest issue is his heart. He has some days that are harder for him than others. And sickness is the biggest culprit. When he is sick it just wipes him out. He is not very active anyway, but when he doesn't feel good he just lies around and wants to be held.
I do have an update on his heart. We sent in three different requests to top hospitals about a second opinion. We finally got all three recommendations the earlier part of last week. Two of the facilities concurred, for the most part, with our hospital here. However, the top surgeon at Stanford did not agree with their treatment plan here .He felt a different approach was needed, in fact, even stated in his letter the other would likely not work. His approach would be a lot more aggressive but likely very proactive for the future of his lungs and heart. So we very much considered his plan and were beginning to prepare our minds for travel to Palo Alto, CA, which is very close to where Jay and I grew up and lived up until our 3rd year of marriage.
The entire time we were in contact with Isaiah's cardiologist keeping him in the loop. After we let him know we were considering this other approach he took the information to the team here.We quickly heard back from him that they still agree with doing the less evasive way first, would be best for Isaiah. If the other surgery failed we would be left with little options for helping his heart. He said that they did reevaluate if his valve needing replacing now or later and they felt now would be best, which is what all three other hospitals suggested and our team was not ready to do yet. So we are thankful that the listened to us and were patient with us as we considering other alternatives for Isaiah.
I had been feeling while we waiting for the doctor to let us know that maybe going to Stanford would not be best for now. At first, I was very much thinking that way but I kept asking God to reveal the right path and give Jay wisdom and us unity on the decision. It was then that God began reminding me He was in control and I needed to have more faith in His healing of Isaiah and not just the doctors. If we were to have Stanford perform the more aggressive option we weren't leaving as much room for God to show His hand in it all. If the less evasive surgery was to be done and still not be enough for Isaiah God will work his miracle and be shown sovereign. That same day that I was hearing God remind me of his power, we asked one the of the other hospitals to look again at Isaiah's record and look at the Stanford surgeon's recommendation for us, giving us another second opinion. (This would be Boston, the #1 heart hospital in the Nation) They still concluded that would not be what they would do. It was all coming together, the peace that we were to say here and take our cardiologist's advice for Isaiah at this time. Jay and I were in unity on the decision, which we always wanted to have.
So in the coming weeks, still no date planned, he will be having a cardiac MRI and lung scan and a heart catheterization for a balloon and stent procedure on that left pulmonary artery. The intent is to take off the pressure from the very enlarged and sick Right Ventricle. He will also have his valve replaced which was his original birth defect. They will closely follow him after that surgery with more caths, ballooning and stenting to help that artery become larger and work more efficiently in the coming months, years. We so appreciate your prayers for him. It is going to be a long road. He will also be looking at more valve replacements with open heart surgeries, as the valve doesn't grow with him.
My prayer is that he will not have fears and that he will not lose his sweet spirit from all of this medical trauma that has taken and will take place in his little life. Isaiah too is a fighter. We know that the nannies that so loved him did not realize how sick he really was and we are ever so grateful that the Lord brought him home to us in the timing that He did. Isaiah would not have gotten help in China until it was maybe too late. Today, here in our family, we are able to closely monitor his health with our excellent doctors and above our Isaiah's Creator and Healer.
I will post when I have a date scheduled for his surgeries. God is good, all the time. All the time, God is good.
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