Always A Mommy

23 years ago on January 9th, I became a first time Mommy.

It was a difficult first 5 months of pregnancy, but did finish off an uneventful last few months. I went 14 days past my due date to end with a challenging, excruciating,  and long back labor. There was no epidural, 4 hours of pushing which then resulted in an emergency c-section.

Tyler Jay was born, all beat up with a scab right above his eye due to the internal monitor they put on him, as he was presenting face first and the doctors didn't know. He had too thick of red blood cells and was required a saline/blood type transfusion through the umbilical chord site. He had to be monitored for 24 hours.

I was extremely sick, feverish and weak from a lot of blood loss. My iron levels were way below normal, I was not allowed out of bed that first 24 hours. Sadly, I did not get to see him that first day. It was all very disheartening to this new mama, whose hormones were kicking into high gear. I cried a lot that night. At this military hospital, Jay was not allowed to stay in my room after hours either. So I was all alone and scared.

Our beginning was rough, but once I took him into my arms, that first time holding my almost 9 lb baby boy, it was bliss. He nestled under my chin, as he slept and I can still remember that intense feeling of love, welled up in my heart. I was a "Mommy" and it was miraculous. Both of us had almost lost our lives, but God protected us. It was the first time, in a long time, where I really began to seek God and ask for His guidance as this huge burden for my baby boy was on my heart, mind and soul all the time!

I would love to have a Magic Wand and relive some of the "first" moments holding my children. God has blessed me with 11 and each of them was just as amazing as the one before. I come to literal tears each time I reminiscence those days. Sigh...and too quickly they all grow up. It is good and right, but it is hard too.

Parenting one, two, three, and so on has grown me up. I was only 20 years old when I became known as "Mommy". However, God began to gently show me I was no longer a "one woman" show. I needed His help. Being an only child, in a very dysfunctional family growing up, caused me to always be very independent and to believe all I ever needed in my life was, "Me, Myself and I". Over the last 23 years of parenting, I know without a doubt that I don't need Me, Myself and I at all...I just need Jesus. I wish it didn't take so long to figure it out but I am thankful I do get it now, even while I still have so many Blessings to take care of at home.

And now I find even with my oldest son that while my duties of nurturing, teaching, discipling, and snuggling are long gone...my work as his Mommy is never done. In fact, it is different, but it is harder. I find myself more burdened, asking the Lord, on my knees to protect Tyler and his family. I beg the Lord to keep him fully devoted to Christ. I seek the Lord for his future children, in faith, that the Lord will bring up a mighty generation through my son and his wife.

So now, is the time. Emily and Tyler will be having their first child some time in July 2015.
It is a boy and they will name him Hudson Crew.

I find such a burden to pray for Hudson, knowing that God is the only one to take care of him.
Thank you Jesus, you are such a patient, loving, and good God. I so look forward to meeting little Hudson.

And Happy Birthday Tyler... (sorry this was a few days late). I'll love you forever. I'll like you for always. As long as I'm living my baby you'll be. I can't wait to watch and pray for you as you are a Daddy to Hudson.

 

Where Have I Been?

I can hardly believe how quickly this year has gone....
And it has been over 5 months since my last blog entry.
I guess I have a few friends that stop by as they have commented on my lack of writing on here.
I love to blog, but life has been so busy and ever changing that my time is limited on the computer. Now that I have a phone that does texting and emailing that is about all I do to communicate via technology lately. I honestly didn't know I would ever join the ranks for texters and the such, but it really has made my life a bit easier in that regard, and I do end up spending less time on the internet that way, as I don't really enjoy reading stuff on my little phone anyway.

Since I didn't have time to send out Christmas cards and letters this year, I will do an update on all of us.

So what has been going on in our little world?

Well, we have had stress and joys and Blessings of building a house, moving into that house, unpacking, painting, organizing, schooling, hospital visits for Isaiah's heart, many-many therapy days and specialty doctor visits for many of the children, sickness for all of us, and regular old relationship building....which is most important..

Adelia is doing well. She has been home for 6 months now. It is so hard to believe. She got her wheelchair two weeks ago and it is so cute and she is using it a little bit most days. I think she likes her new independence. She speaks English only now. She still is into all Girly things. I can't wait to see how she enjoys Christmas this year.

Addie got her right Achilles contracture fixed with casting, only to quickly develop some horrible pressure sores from her AFO just a few weeks later. So she has been out of AFOs until we see what they are going to do with her hips. She will need recasting again and a different type of material in the AFO. We love our orthopedic Dr. She is so kind and patient. When we visit her she spends a good amount of time making both of us feel comfortable and all questions answered. Addie has some cavities that are going to get taken care in Feb. She will need to be under general anesthesia for them as one is a root canal and two crowns. Since she is very afraid of anything painful and being held down, screaming and fighting, we decided to do it that way. After the teeth are fixed then the orthopedic is going to perform an Arthrogram on her hips. This is an xray type test that uses dye and manipulation of her joints and muscles to see how her body moves and how much of it is all being used properly in those parts of the bodies. Both her hips are dislocated. However, since she won't be likely walking and she doesn't feel them out of socket, it could possibly stay that way. The big issue is that her right hip is so bad she also can not straighten her leg. She needs to be able to stand on both legs in the least, or at least sit with both legs in a comfortable position for her spine too. So this test will give lots of information to the doctors as to the potential surgeries that will be helpful or not helpful. One that they might be able to do only is lengthening the IT band over her femur. It is so tight right now. So all that to say, we just don't know yet. We did have an MRI in October which confirmed she has a Spinal Chord Injury and NOT Spina Bifida. It is disheartening to wonder what she has been through to cause that injury.  Wow, it feels like she has always been here with us. So thankful, so blessed.

Of course, all the kids are so excited about Christmas.
And we have a double blessing this Christmas...
We recently found out that our oldest son Tyler and his wife Emily are expecting a baby!! We are going to be Grandparents. I will be "Amma" and Jay will be "Baba". It is so fun already and I already feel this urgency and burden to pray for this little life. Emily is just about 16 weeks along and the baby seems to be growing well. I don't like that they live two states away, so I anticipate we will try to visit at least once a year. It is just a long drive for 12 people in the van. But to build a relationship with a new little one is so important. I can't wait to meet the baby and hold it. So thankful, so blessed.

Here is all the children on Christmas morning...

front row, then back row: Adelia (Addie 4), Isaiah (4), Asher (4), Lenea (7) Elliana (Ellie 4) Makenna (19), Tobias (Toby 9), Jacob (Jake 14), Eliza (17) and Moriah (11)

We all had a wonderful, blessed Christmas season.
God has been so good to all of us.

Jay still works for a wonderful company and God has provided a mostly stress-free job for him, with only a 45 minute commute.
We will celebrate 24 years of marriage on January 18th!! God has been making our marriage more beautiful every year. I am excited to see what it will be like another 24 years from now.


I am still able to stay home with my precious children, mothering and homeschooling. I enjoy cooking, playing with the kids, reading and scrapbooking when can. But mostly just being here is my joy. I am still big into Trim Healthy Mama. I never did do an update as to how that was going for me. It has been going well. I did the program on and off, faithfully for about 9 months and lost about 15 lbs, even with many cheats. The nice thing about this program is all the food is delicious, satisfying and if you make a choice to "cheat" or go off plan you can pick right up again next meal. I have stopped for the most part since we moved two months ago, and I gained a couple lbs back. But only 3 lbs in two months is nothing. I have a goal to start again next week and stay on track for a while until I reach my goal, which is only about 10 lbs away!! I also hope to add in some more exercise now too.

God has provided a strong, Bible-teaching ONLY, church that also is very supportive of adoption. We love Ellerslie and feel so blessed to be a part of this newer Missionary training church.

I can't say enough how blessed my life is. I may be turning 44 in a few months, but I feel healthier and happier than ever. Yes, I have hard moments, circumstances and even an entire day at times. There are situations that continually bring me to my knees in prayer and tears. There are things in my life that I struggle with daily, and ask the Lord to change in me or give me strength to deal with more.

Here are some of the other awesome reasons I am blessed.

My oldest daughter Makenna, is truly a gift. She is hard working, self-sacrificing, smart and a girl after me. She and I think, probably too much, alike. She is going to school full time to be a nurse and while Chemistry is a big challenge, however she is doing well. She stays home the rest of the week to help us. I so appreciate her giving of her time to us. Most young women would want to pursue selfish things with their time, but she is just keeps on giving. She loves the orphan and disabled. She is a big help to me with our disabled children. She hopes to adopt many children with special needs herself some day.

My next oldest daughter Eliza, is also a gift. She is a bit younger (17 tomorrow!!). She has truly become one of my heroes. She has had to endure some difficult things in her life, however, she still manages to put on a smile 99% of the time. She truly radiates Jesus every day. She is generally so patient and gentle, yet when she fails in that area she is quick to make it right. She is such an example to me, as it has taken me quite a long time to be like she is at all, and the Lord has put that in her heart at such an early age. She is working hard at high school, a junior. She is not sure what she will do when she graduates in 2016. I have encouraged her to take some time then to pray about it and see where God leads her. She loves also working with special needs. She hopes to lead a special needs worship dance camp this summer!

Then we have Jacob. He is growing in leaps and bounds the last year. He is close to 6 foot tall now. He is going through shoes every three months! Jacob has a true desire to learn about Jesus the last couple of years. It is exciting to watch his growth in that part of his life. He is also becoming more handy around the house. Jacob will be starting high school next year. It is so surreal to think about his beginning struggles in schooling. He was a very late reader, due to some possible dyslexia and a vision tracking problem. He didn't really read on his own until almost 10. However, in the last 5 years or so he has caught up in most areas of schooling. He is a very good student and a hard worker. I am thankful also for his sweet and joyful spirit.

Next is our gentle, patient and fun Moriah. She has a big birthday coming up in February. She will be 12. In our family 12 is a turning point from childhood to adulthood. It doesn't mean she will be considered fully an adult, obviously she still has maturing and growing to do. But it does mean we will encourage her to go deeper in lots of ways and be given more responsibilities and privileges.
She is such a gentle spirit. She is a favorite play mate to ALL of our children. She gets along with everyone and is creative and sweet. Moriah is entering 7th grade soon. She enjoys dance too.

Tobias is the next in line. He is the middle child with a huge passion for life. He still loves his Legos and doing things like puzzles, playing Army men, computer games, anything active, and listening to audio stories. He is doing well in 4th grade. He has dreams of becoming a Navy Seal someday. That sort of scares his Mommy, but we will trust God to have perfect plans for his life, whatever that may be. Since our move, he was able to move into his own room for the first time. It has been good for him to have a quiet place to retreat to when he needs it. Toby is the one to always make us smile.
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After Toby comes Lenea. She just turned 7 on New Years Eve. It is hard to believe she came into my arms that long ago. It feels like a blink. She is all girl. She loves dance, school, dolls, new clothes, her friends and family, to be a helper in the kitchen and to be a big sister. She does well in school. She took off in reading last summer but isn't to the point of preferring to pick up a book just yet for enjoyment. She did get some pretty reading glasses last week, and she wants to wear them all day long. I appreciate the way Lenea always wants to snuggle. Maybe it is because she was the "baby" of the family, but I will always welcome hugs and kisses from kids. Especially, now that I have experienced one moving far away.

Following Lenea we have the 4, four year olds...
Asher is the oldest and the one who has been with us the longest. Last November, it was 3 years since we went to China and became adoptive parents. It has brought so much joy and privilege and blessing into my life. It has also challenged me in so many ways. It keeps me on my knees. It gives me many things to keep learning and experiencing.

So Asher is all B.O.Y. He is strong, brave, smart, fun, active, a leader, and snuggly too. He is definitely the "First Born" of the adoptive 4 year olds. He has to be redirected often not to "boss" everyone. He is sweet though, and can usually be persuaded to do the right thing. He is also starting to ask some good questions about Jesus and why He died for us. It is such a joy to see faith through a child's eyes. Asher still has some speech issues that he will deal with, likely until his cleft is fully repaired at about age 8-10 with a bone graft. He speaks well besides those cleft related sounds.
He did experience his first ear infection and sinus infection just a few weeks ago. It was miserable for him. His first antibiotic he had a reaction too. The second seemed to work fine, but his ears are still itchy. So next week back to the ENT. I know that God has amazing plans for this boy. I am so blessed to be his Mommy.

Elliana is the next after Asher. Ellie has many issues daily that requires full-time care. I am sure it is only doable because there are many older children here to help us. We all find great joy in working with her, teaching her, playing with her and holding her. She is so smart and is even beginning to say some more works. She does lots of therapies: speech, occupational, physical, behavior, and we just started trying something new to us, called Anat Baniel Method. The testimonies that I have read are all very positive and encouraging. It is certain manipulations of the body to open up new neuro pathways, which will make new connections in the brain and help the person to do things they couldn't do before.

After Ellie is Addie, and she began this post. So I will go onto our baby. Isaiah!!!
Isaiah is doing pretty well. He had another heart cath in December. He did well. He also has been sleeping so much better since his tonsils were removed last May. To not have to use the CPAP is wonderful! He had an appointment with his cardiologist just today. His pulmonary valve is working well although that left pulmonary artery keeps narrowing after 6-9 months. The next step is a profusion Scan, which will measure how much oxygen is going to each lung. This will help them to decide what future steps are needed or not, to keep his lung developing properly. He has been otherwise healthy. His speech is very delayed though, so there is a thought that maybe his lack of O2 in the first months of his life might have caused some damage to his brain development. So he will be having an appointment with a neurologist next...Isaiah is the gentle, snuggly, loving, curious George if our house. He tries hard to keep up with Asher, they are two bosom buddies. However, sometimes Asher is too intense for him, and he and Addie or Ellie hang out in a quieter way, which I think Isaiah prefers. Again, so blessed to be called Mommy by this gentle little guy.

We all just got back from an amazing trip to Disney World for Isaiah's Make  A Wish. I will be posting lots of pictures soon!

I wanted to do this updated blog first.

I look forward to new adventures and experiences and relationships this New Year. May our God, continue to keep me on my knees and humble.