Asher is now 2 and almost 4 months old. He is a typical active toddler, all "boy". From the time his little 3 foot body begins stirring (about 6:30 AM), until he falls asleep for each nap and bedtime, he is on the go! Literally, when I sit by his bed at 9 o'clock at night, and I know he is so tired (in fact he asks me to go to his crib) he just tosses and turns, pushes the bed, flips and flops for about an hour or more. Then all of a sudden he begins his little "tune" (he sort of hums himself to sleep) and then in a few minutes he is asleep. He sleeps well most nights, with occasional wakes up and screams from nightmares, but that has drastically dropped after 2 months of being with us. Even then when he is put back into our bed, he snuggles up and falls right to sleep with peaceful quiet sleep the remaining night.
I also have intentionally been teaching him to sit at times through his day to do little things or quiet activities that are positive, so his engine can slow down. When he first came home he was always flitting from thing to thing, not sitting or engaging for more than a few minutes at a time. He was a restless little guy, who was overwhelmed with his surroundings and obviously used to touching and getting into anything he desired. For the most part I try to keep our home quieter. It is not that the children don't get loud, but I try to encourage that for outside play. I am naturally (probably being an only child) inclined to liking quiet. So with a large family, while I can handle noise on a new level now, I still prefer more quiet. I think that has benefited Asher a lot.
Sitting quietly in church is still a challenge, but he is slowly starting to have a quieter voice there and on most days doesn't wiggle down out of my lap. (I do have to distract him with snack and books, which I am fine with.) Mostly, there is just huge improvements in his ability to sit and play with a toy or sibling for longer periods. He will even look at books with you occasionally, which was almost never a few months ago. You do have to be careful with those pages though, as he wants to flip through them a lot of times.
He loves learning about his new environment and also doesn't like being told he can't do certain things. He expects certain things to be done just so. I can tell already he has perfectionist tendencies. It could be due to his innate personality. It might also be that it makes him feel secure, after his difficult, untrustworthy beginning in this world. We have been told that adopted children often feel best when they know what to expect and can have some control over their "world". However, as a good mother should, I try to find that balance of letting him have his comforts and control sometimes, but not allowing it to always be a certain way for him.
Even though he can't speak clearly about 99% of the time, he has no difficulties letting us know through his sign language, pointing, facial expressions, and a few recognizable words what it is he expects. We have been working on him to be using "please", which mostly he will comply when told, but still not usually on his own. And I have also been at times shaking things up a bit. He is used to having his bottle given by me in 3 locations and one day he was adamant that we do it on one of those locations. I decided to tell him I was choosing this time and I chose one of the other 3 we typically use. He was fussing a little bit, but gave into me. I can be quite stubborn too, and he is learning that. I do that a couple times each day with whatever his demands are. It is balance, because I know he wants that security but he needs to learn that he can trust his Mama and Daddy to make those decisions now and that we won't let him down.
That brings me to tomorrow...It is surgery day. A 3 hour surgery to fix his palate. He has no idea what is coming. He has a lot of anxiety over medical things. So far the only things we have experienced with him are normal weight checks (he screams), exams (fusses a lot usually, but is getting better if the doctor is not abrupt and I can hold him, thankfully we have great doctors), blood draws and shots (both of them he is hysterically kicking and screaming as soon as we have to hold him down, before the needle is even close.) We have reasons to believe that he was held down for medical recovery, even strapped to a crib.
He is likely just tired of all this examining, poking and prodding he has been through in 2 short years already. We know he is a strong, stubborn and courageous little boy, otherwise he might not have lived. We also know he has a loving, sweet and gentle personality, albeit never stopping and always active. His stress level has been high most of his life. Even though unfamiliar situations, nightmares and medical issues bring that stress up to a max, I have noticed a big change of calm in his beautiful, brown eyes and ability to just snuggle in my arms, which he didn't have when we first met him. He was always pretty "easy" but the trust wasn't there, of course. Today it is there. It may not be complete attachment yet, but is is coming.
The Lord is healing him, I am so thankful. I pray almost every night over him, that the Lord would take those deep wounds, that none of us know yet, and completely heal them with His love, using our family as the vessel. I have come to love this precious boy so very much. It brings my heart to be filled with joy to think about how blessed we are to have him here with us!
I ask for prayers for tomorrow. I want Asher to not feel the anxiousness prior to surgery I imagine he will have. I want my own heart and Jay's to be resting in the Lord's peace. It is time for his second big surgery (first was his lip in China), of several more to come. This is the day we have been waiting for and hoping for. This surgery will make it so he can communicate on a whole new level, with healing and practice. He will be able to eat better and hopefully not have anymore fluid in his ears, which will help him hear better and be more comfortable. But I must admit, as a Mommy, I wish we didn't have to go through it. I am trusting our medical team. I completely trust our doctors and have gotten to know a reliable nurse liaison and even spoke to the anesthesiologist, who seems compassionate and knowledgeable for what Asher needs and has worked with Smile Train therefore is familiar with cleft affected children from other countries.
Most importantly I know God has brought us to this day and HE is holding Asher in his hands. I can walk in faith and know even if he has pain, discomfort and stress, it will come together for good. Thank you for your prayers!
We're holding you up in prayer. Our Father is perfectly able for every need!
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