Life Keeps Moving Along

We have 7 more days left until we are done with school for the summer!! Makenna will go another week or more to wrap up her many loose ends for graduation. She doubled up this year to graduate early, so she is still swamped. I will be glad for her sake when she can breath.

We are working on wedding projects and graduation preparation, as well as just doing life. Life is busier than I have ever felt it to be on a regular basis. I thought it would get easier as the children got older and I had more help from them. I do have lots of help in a lot ways which is easier, but in some ways it is harder. Parenting older and adult children is a whole new way of life that we are figuring out. With the help of others, that have gone ahead of us and walked this path, I think we are making positive changes in our lives. When I was a new, young mother I truly believed that, "If I just do everything 'perfectly' for my babies and children as they grow and love them as much as I can, then everything will turn out great for them. They will have less sin in their lives, less struggles and  hardships. They will want to be around me when they are married etc. And most importantly they will walk closely with God." I was naive.

While, I do still believe I must always strive to pour my life into my children, as that is my roll that God has given me, I have also learned that most of the end, the outcome, is out of my control and jurisdiction. It has been painful for me to let that go. I can do everything mostly "right" and I will still mess it up. I can walk day to day, minute to minute with the LORD, and my children are still human and will fail. Don't get my wrong, my children are amazing and it is a great feeling to watch them grow up and walk the path the LORD is leading them on. BUT, the key is that it is the LORD's path for them, not mine, not even theirs if I think about it. They can choose one path and if He doesn't want them there, He will put an obstacle in the way. I have to trust the LORD more and let them go, surrender them to Him.

 I feel so blessed that after growing up with no siblings, my LORD has given me 8 (now 9 with a daughter-in-love) to fill my life. I don't deserve any of them, nor more fantastic husband. However, God knew what I needed.

In the midst of the craziness and forgetfulness I feel as a new "norm" for me (I always had the greatest memory HA, God is humbling me more)- I am still praising the LORD alone for my beautiful family and busy life. I do desire that I can keep moving along, as well as be sure to slow down at times and just snuggle, read with them, sleep in, have tickle matches, watch a funny movie just because and make a big breakfast on Saturdays. We don't do those things every day. I know that the LORD gave us each child as a gift a reward, and I need to know that I don't know how many days I will truly have here with them. I want to focus on the end of my life and what will I remember, what will they remember about me?