I was originally planning on February, as I knew he would not begin speaking until it was repaired. But our wonderful surgeon encouraged me to make sure he and we were ready. I left that office from his first visit with the surgeon back in December, thinking for sure we would do it then. However, one of the criteria for recovery is not to use the bottle. At this time, Asher is still taking the bottle with milk in it 3 times a day and a 4th if he is extra clingy or not feeling good. So, we decided to push it back to April.
As the weeks moved quickly along, and our bonding with him was going to so well, (which we truly believe the bottle is instrumental in helping), I just couldn't imagine taking it away from him in April. We did give quite a bit of effort in trying to get him to take milk from a sippy cup on our lap. It has been a chore just getting him to take water or juice in a sippy cup at all. But when it comes to milk, he absolutely refuses. We have had 2 speech therapists, a nutritionist and Occupational therapist all help us with this. We have tried 6 different types of sippy cups. He just keeps pushing it away and refusing, with a tight lip. He will take a thick shake that we make for our family breakfasts in a regular cup, but he is sitting in his high chair due to the mess of a regular cup, so it isn't the same quality bonding we get with the bottle and he only drinks maybe 2 ounces at a sitting.
I was feeling stressed about the whole situation and asking many friends for prayer. At one point I remembered our 16 hour state adoption training and our social worker and her experience with bonding. She has a lot of knowledge in this area and I trust her opinion. I decided to get a hold of her. She graciously talked to me on the phone for an hour and answered all my concerns. Her encouragement was that we were doing all the right things, and it sounded as if he was bonding well with us, and she really thought we should keep using the bottle until he has been with us at least 12 months.
The thing about the bottle is where you "take them back" to developmental stages in order for them to go through them in a healthy way and bond with you. Asher may not have had a healthy single caregiver ever give him a bottle, with snuggling, eye contact, love and attention on a regular basis. Plus, even if he did and that was good for the development he had in China, it is not him bonding with Jay and me. Our social worker said that he needs at least 12 months, or longer, to regain what he missed with us. Even though he is 2, it is not the same as a toddler walking around with a bottle attached to his mouth, or even falling asleep with one in his crib. We always, only hold him (Jay or me) and have a purpose to our feeding him this way. He truly snuggles right in and with this active toddlerhood he is in, it is one of the only times each day he "allows" us to snuggle him.
If it wasn't for this needed surgery, that is hindering his ability to speak this wouldn't be such an issue. So, we made the choice to push surgery back another 2 months, to the beginning of June. We willd give him the bottle up until surgery day and then do whatever we needed to do to get him to eat another way for recovery, which could be up to 2 weeks of no bottle. Then the plan is to give him the bottle again, if he will take it. The challenge could be that he will be quite ticked at not getting the bottle after surgery and then when it is offered again he will refuse. If this is the case we will deal it with it the best we can, but at least then we did have a solid 6 months of bottle/bonding time with him.
Thankfully, our surgeon is very kind and supportive. He doesn't think we should wait 12 months (which we don't want to either) but he is in agreement with this decision.
As far as Asher's ability to communicate, he is up to over 120 signs and he can say about 12 or so words that "we" understand. God has a purpose in all of this and knows the perfect timing.
June 4th in the early AM is what we are looking at. If you feel led to pray for the 2 week transition off the bottle or that the surgeon would even let him have it sooner if he thinks it would be wise. There could be a possible 2nd palate surgery 3-6 months later, which we won't know until after this surgery.
We did something pretty similar- we had to go 3 weeks without the bottle after surgery. Our son has only taken a bottle for us, and won't eat or drink any other way yet. We syringe fed for 2.5 weeks and then went back to the bottle. Even then, the bottle made his lip swell (he had lip and palate repair at the same time). I don't see how the bottle could damage the palate, though... maybe it won't be as bad. After a few days of coaxing, our little guy went back to the bottle. He fought against the syringe the whole 2.5 weeks, though.
ReplyDeleteHope your surgery and feeding goes as well as it can. Sounds like you've got a great bond and he's already learning so much!
Maria