Always A Mommy

23 years ago on January 9th, I became a first time Mommy.

It was a difficult first 5 months of pregnancy, but did finish off an uneventful last few months. I went 14 days past my due date to end with a challenging, excruciating,  and long back labor. There was no epidural, 4 hours of pushing which then resulted in an emergency c-section.

Tyler Jay was born, all beat up with a scab right above his eye due to the internal monitor they put on him, as he was presenting face first and the doctors didn't know. He had too thick of red blood cells and was required a saline/blood type transfusion through the umbilical chord site. He had to be monitored for 24 hours.

I was extremely sick, feverish and weak from a lot of blood loss. My iron levels were way below normal, I was not allowed out of bed that first 24 hours. Sadly, I did not get to see him that first day. It was all very disheartening to this new mama, whose hormones were kicking into high gear. I cried a lot that night. At this military hospital, Jay was not allowed to stay in my room after hours either. So I was all alone and scared.

Our beginning was rough, but once I took him into my arms, that first time holding my almost 9 lb baby boy, it was bliss. He nestled under my chin, as he slept and I can still remember that intense feeling of love, welled up in my heart. I was a "Mommy" and it was miraculous. Both of us had almost lost our lives, but God protected us. It was the first time, in a long time, where I really began to seek God and ask for His guidance as this huge burden for my baby boy was on my heart, mind and soul all the time!

I would love to have a Magic Wand and relive some of the "first" moments holding my children. God has blessed me with 11 and each of them was just as amazing as the one before. I come to literal tears each time I reminiscence those days. Sigh...and too quickly they all grow up. It is good and right, but it is hard too.

Parenting one, two, three, and so on has grown me up. I was only 20 years old when I became known as "Mommy". However, God began to gently show me I was no longer a "one woman" show. I needed His help. Being an only child, in a very dysfunctional family growing up, caused me to always be very independent and to believe all I ever needed in my life was, "Me, Myself and I". Over the last 23 years of parenting, I know without a doubt that I don't need Me, Myself and I at all...I just need Jesus. I wish it didn't take so long to figure it out but I am thankful I do get it now, even while I still have so many Blessings to take care of at home.

And now I find even with my oldest son that while my duties of nurturing, teaching, discipling, and snuggling are long gone...my work as his Mommy is never done. In fact, it is different, but it is harder. I find myself more burdened, asking the Lord, on my knees to protect Tyler and his family. I beg the Lord to keep him fully devoted to Christ. I seek the Lord for his future children, in faith, that the Lord will bring up a mighty generation through my son and his wife.

So now, is the time. Emily and Tyler will be having their first child some time in July 2015.
It is a boy and they will name him Hudson Crew.

I find such a burden to pray for Hudson, knowing that God is the only one to take care of him.
Thank you Jesus, you are such a patient, loving, and good God. I so look forward to meeting little Hudson.

And Happy Birthday Tyler... (sorry this was a few days late). I'll love you forever. I'll like you for always. As long as I'm living my baby you'll be. I can't wait to watch and pray for you as you are a Daddy to Hudson.