How AM I Able to This Anyway?

Do  I believe the Bible to be 100 % true and God to be incapable of telling a lie, ever? Do I believe that He is the one alone who takes care of our physical, financial, emotional and spiritual needs? It is nothing that I can do alone, by staying "healthy", spending every penny as if "I" know exactly what I am to do with it, get as much sleep I "think" I should have or deserve, fill my emotional love "tank" with all I believe it should have, doing "a, b and c" making sure everything will work out just "right" for my family..etc. etc.. Do you see what I am saying? I can do nothing alone, without living IN Christ and walking minute by minute in the Lord's path for me, none of us can do that. My walk with the Lord, my marriage, my children, my parenting skills, my adoption journey and the rest will look similar on many aspects to some people, but mostly different in all situations. The Lord takes us each on a walk that will speak individually. What speaks deepest to my soul and moves me to obedience, what looks like discipline to me and what I need to keep my eyes focused on Christ will likely be vastly different than anyone else. So when I talk of  "our" story, keep that in mind. Jay and I want to always walk in obedience to Christ and his commandments. But mostly we want to love Him with all we are.Yes, we fail in that desire and I am so thankful that Jesus knows this and He loved me first, while I was still a sinner.

I will say that at times, many times my faith is so very weak and small. I feel so inadequate to this calling of motherhood and especially adoption. I just simply can NOT do this, at all. There are many moments through out my day that I just fail over and over again. I get irritated over silly things, I become lazy when I have a mountainous list before me of jobs and responsibilities, I feel frustrations sometimes over my own hard working husband's inability to be the "perfect" father that I often expect (even though I am NOT that perfect parent either), I battle anxiety at times over what will happen to my children if they don't walk with the Lord, I want to control every penny that enters our home and my list goes on and on. Marriage helps me to die to my flesh and learn to give to someone else, otherwise our marriage would be doomed. Parenting keeps me humble and on me knees. And fortunately the older my children become and the more we have, the more humble I become and the more needy on my Lord. Praise God!!

So I focus on scriptures like these that give me encouragement as a Christian, mother and wife:

Philippians 4:13 " I can do all things through Christ which strengthenth me."
James 1:27 " Religion that God our Father accepts as pure and faultless is this: to look after orphans and widows in their distress and to keep oneself from being polluted by the world."

Psalm 82: 3-4 "Defend the cause of the weak and the fatherless; Maintain the rights of the poor and oppressed. Deliver the weak and needy from the hand of the wicked.”

Titus 2:4-5 "Then they can train the younger women to love their husbands and children, to be self-controlled and pure, to be busy at home, to be kind, and to be subject to their husbands, so that no one will malign the word of God."
When we began our first adoption to Asher we had just about $4000 saved from that year's taxes and that was it. We lived from pay check to pay check and didn't make the income requirements to meet China's standards. (We were thankfully able to use Tyler's income as he lived full time with us and was considered our dependent even though he was keeping all his own income, he lived here rent and board free. That helped us to qualify.) So when we looked at the adoption ticket price of over $30,000 it seemed astronomical to our minds. But we knew we had a father who owns the cattle on a thousand hills and asked us to walk through the door of adoption that he put on our hearts so many years ago and from his scriptures he blesses us by taking care of orphans. So we started the process. We quickly began keeping a very tight budget. We already shopped frugally and thrift stores, we had cut out things like cable TV, eating out for meals and extra entertainment for the most  We just didn't know how we could save any more money. We did eat some simpler, less expensive meals on many occasions (beans and rice, homemade oatmeal, eggs, spaghetti, potatoes etc). We sold a car that we knew we could get some cash from and bought a junky car (and I tell you, it WAS Junky, but it got us through that year). We were more diligent with every penny we spent but we kept tithing and giving back to the Lord as well. We believe without a doubt today that every penny that comes into our home is HIS alone and we should be asking HIM what he wants us to do with each penny. Not an easy task for me when my security has been found in material things for a long time. I am thankful to have a husband who is so different than I am in that regard and he has helped me to have a more balanced approach.


In the end we did put our flights to China for $5,000 on our credit card.However, up until that point we paid every penny in cash, so about $28,000. ($8,000 of was given to us in the form of a matching grant and from friends). That amazes me and I am so thankful for God's provision. We were able to pay off the credit card in February when we got our tax return. Yeah! So that adoption is paid for. That bring us to this adoption where we are desiring to adopt 2 children. The price for 2 concurrent adoptions is about $45,000. I am estimating on the higher end, it could be a few thousand less, but not much. We have paid $4000 already and Jay's work will pay $4000 when we come home from China (many companies have adoption grants). We have about $600 saved this week for the next fee and that is it. I have no idea how we will come up with the rest. I know Jay is working overtime when he is able and that will all add up to help. The thing is, is that I am not worried. I can't say I never think about how it will all come together. I am just learning to praise God for doing it. I know he will. I know he has this covered. I know that I am walking in obedience to adoption and that the little one we have been matched with needs a family today, not later when we have all the money "saved" by our own doing. I know that if we waited for all the money to be saved then God could not show his grace and work. It would end up being our work saving the money. I want to give Him the glory, not me, not Jay.

John 3:30 "He must increase, but I must decrease."

If I stay "increased" in this adoption process, meaning working out the details and finances then God will not get the glory. I know it sounds too simple that way, but I believe it. He wants to show us all how big He is and how much he loves these orphans.  I am learning that God loves to use the weak and show himself. If God brings some to adoption He will see you through it, it is HIS business. We just need to be faithful and yes that often means being good with our money. So I am stepping out in faith, anticipating the way my God will provide for our next adoption.